The Gentle Year

Choosing Family Over Status: The Risk Most Fathers Are Afraid to Take with Tony Berardo

• Knikki Hernandez • Season 2 • Episode 1

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What does it really mean to provide for a family, and who gets to define that?

In this episode of The Gentle Year, host Knikki Hernandez sits down with Tony Berardo, a father, entrepreneur, and creator who made the unconventional decision to prioritize presence over status. After layoffs, health scares, financial uncertainty, and years of IVF, Tony chose a path many fathers quietly consider but few feel permitted to take.

Together, they explore uncomfortable questions most families are already living:

  • Why does job security often come at the cost of family security?
  • How much of our financial stress is driven by culture rather than necessity?
  • What happens to a man’s identity when success is no longer tied to a paycheck?
  • And why choosing family over status can feel like a personal and social risk, especially for fathers.

This is a candid, nuanced conversation about masculinity, money, presence, and redefining success. Not as a rejection of ambition, but as a recalibration of what truly matters.




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Hi everybody, welcome back to The Gentle Year. I'm your host, Nikki Hernandez, and we are here with the amazingTony Barrardo, and he's gonna talk to us about all things fatherhood. So Tony, would love to talk to you a little bit aboutwhat you do, who you are, and how you do all the amazing, cool things that you're doing in today's world. Thanks somuch for that, and thanks for having me on. I'm very excited about this. Yeah, I mean, my career path has changed overthe years, but now that I'm a father to a baby girl that's almost two and a half years old. I've kind of created a lot morecontent based around being a father. And, you know, I was fortunate prior to becoming a father to be an entrepreneur.

00:00:45

And in the marketing space, I've been fortunate to... to kind of be in that space for quite some time where now I can,you know, leverage that knowledge and create my own business. My business is kind of threefold. So I create contentfor brands and help them promote their products or, or services. And then also have my podcast where we, uh, reallyfocus on like story-driven conversations. So it's called 'Humanity and Hashtags.' I talk about everything from kind ofwhat makes us human, you know, mentally, physically. Just overall good health. And then. How that correlates to thedigital age now. So how social media affects us mentally and physically, and the pros and cons from that. And then I'vekind of dipped a little bit more into fatherhood in that podcast.

00:01:35

It's just been a lot of fun to kind of see my content and my career kind of merge into what I've been called and beenknown as dadpreneur. So dad and entrepreneur. And now I'm at the point where I've created an entire YouTube channeldedicated to teaching dads how to make money at home. Because I strongly believe that, you know, parents that canstay at home with their children, especially at an early age, allows everyone to grow and to be better humans. So that'swhat I've been focusing on. That's really cool. I would love to know more about your sweatshirt because you've done somuch marketing and I know you have your own apparel line. And it's literally the cutest thing. If you guys could seethis, it's just go ahead.

00:02:13

Yeah. Tell us about that. Thanks for that. Yeah, no, it's a, this is my girl dad evolution hoodie. And my favorite partabout it is it's custom made. So it really, if you can't see it, it starts as us as apes, as primates, and then kind of goes allthe way to a dad holding his daughter's hand. And then, on one side of it, the sleeve says 'wipe sweat on the sleeve.'And then, on the other sleeve, it says 'your tears go here.' So I mainly did that intentionally because, as a girl, that I'verealized that I cry way more now than I ever have in my life. But also, I work a lot harder for her. So it kind ofsymbolizes. Sweat, working hard, and then...

00:02:56

tears crying a lot. So yeah, this is so cute. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. It's all custom made too. Sweet. I havea company called Human Dad. where we create not just Girl Dad stuff, but just dad apparel that I think dads can relateto. Oh, yeah. It's been a lot of fun. Yeah, that's good. This sweatshirt goes beyond just words. I love it. So I hope youguys check that out. Check out his apparel line. But I did have a question for you. I was going over your Instagram thismorning, just kind of familiarizing myself with your content, and I believe in one of your videos, I could havemisinterpreted this, so forgive me if I did, but...

00:03:34

Is it true that one of the reasons why you became an entrepreneur was because you got laid off or fired from a previousjob? Yeah, yeah. The long story of that would probably take most of this podcast, but I'll go ahead and shorten it up towhere I was with this company for almost a decade. It was like my dream job. I was a marketing manager at MonsterEnergy. Which obviously continues to be the leader in the energy drink category. And I had so much fun and I justloved it so much. And then, yeah, I got laid off for a reason that. It was kind of silly. It actually had to do with mypodcast. Toward the company. Hmm. The company said that I can't talk about any other drinks.

00:04:18

Aside from... Monster. And I definitely can't profit from any other products, which makes total sense. But it's not like Iwas promoting Red Bull. I had a buddy that owned a tea company, like a tea bag company. And I mentioned it on mypodcast and they put me on. Suspension without pay. And they said they'll review. Know, the podcast and all that. Andthey, they let me go because of it. Um, And it was kind of silly because A, it's not like it was a Monster Energy podcast.It was my personal. podcast. Um, So it's kind of funny that they even listened to that. I didn't know they did, but. Um,You know, that kind of opened my eyes a little bit because I realized I enjoyed content and making the podcast morethan I enjoyed working for a corporation anyway.

00:05:01

But, you know, I was like, I was kind of. It hurt because it was. It was so difficult to kind of do everything on the sidewhile I was at that company. And I really worked hard Monday through Friday. And then I had my side businessSaturday and Sunday. So it was like. It kind of hurt me a little bit like mentally because I put so much time into thatcompany. And then I was like, you know, whatever, let me go ahead and get a similar job and then thankfully, anotherbrand that was a startup took a chance on me and actually gave me a bigger role. I was reporting directly to the CMO ofthe company. So I got paid twice as much at this company.

00:05:36

Which I loved even more because the product was healthier and I believed in the product more than I believed inMonster. So that was kind of cool. During that process, I ended up having a tumor in my lung. Which, thank goodness,was benign after a biopsy and a couple surgeries, but they had to remove a portion of my lung. And the week I was inthe hospital, I got a call from the CEO of the company I was working for. It's a company called Focus. And the CEOwas like, 'Listen, man, we've. We knew this happened to you a few weeks ago. And we were trying to put it off, but wecan't anymore. Like, we gotta, we gotta let you go. Because of the health issue. That's what I thought.

00:06:15

And then turns out, after talking to him, because obviously I was in and out of it.' I was in the hospital as this washappening. And they go. Well, the whole company's going bankrupt. Like there's no employees left. It's just me, theCEO. And I was like, 'Okay, this is bad timing, but I guess there's nothing else to say.' So they sent me final paperworkand all that. And, you know, mind you, I'm still recovering, right? And then that same week, literally the same day, I gotdischarged from the hospital, mainly because I forced my way to get discharged. My father-in-law passed away thatsame day. So all this happened within. You know, a week of each other. And, um... You know, was mentally, I was in a,I was in an early space.

00:06:55

Gnarly Space, man. It was... It's hard to explain to anybody that's dealt with Great Depression. I was like, I feel like thatwas the worst part of my life. Um and you know, the one thing that hurt the most of it was like, because I had this lungsurgery, my whole side was cut up, I didn't take painkillers, obviously they prescribed me oxy, like a bunch of idiots,and Naturally, I didn't want to take that. So I was in massive amounts of pain. 24-7 for... months. But I couldn't hug mywife. You know, like she lost her father. And I could barely hug her without being in pain. And of course, I wanted tobe there for her, and she was trying to be there for me.

00:07:34

And it was kind of this weird space, you know what I mean? So anyway, I say all that to end on a positive, which iswhere I decide at that moment, 'fuck everyone else.' Bucka Corporation. I'm going to do this little side gig that I've beendoing, but I'm going to go all in seven days a week on it. And that was almost three years ago. And now here I amevery year. I'm doing more and more business than I did the year before. And I work for myself. And now we have adaughter that I'm able to be 24/7 with at the house. Um, you know that was a rough time in in our marriage, andthankfully, at the other end of it, the light at the end of the tunnel was— we have this daughter now— and it was kind ofmeant.

00:08:12

For a reason, because I think if I was at Monster, I was at Focus, no matter what job I was at, I'd have to leave five daysa week. Now I don't do that. Right now I work for myself. I obviously work more hours than I did at a corporation, butI'm able to be with my daughter. And that, to me, is like, it's priceless now. It's the best. Yeah. Do you think you wouldhave chosen this path on your own if it weren't? You sort of being forced into all these different situations. No, I don'tthink so. I think some of the best things in life that we do. Is not our decision. Right. Like it's always. If you're with likea toxic spouse. You never break up with them.

00:08:54

It's always like this massive thing that's out of control. Maybe they like you know, they're driving a car drunk and you'rein the passenger seat, you get a car accident. And now it's like, you look at them, you're like, Jeff, this is it. Like, this isthe final straw. It's never. This realization moment. Oh, I should break up with Jeff. It's always like a crazy thing that'sout of your control. And I think that's what happened to me. It was like all this stuff happened. It was out of my controland I felt like I did everything right. But it was like almost the universe telling me, 'Dude, get out. Get out. Like youneed a, you need a Zen. You need to. Get your own space. You're about to have this kid.

00:09:28

It's almost like the universe knew this was going to happen because I think about this a lot because I get job offers allthe time. And I think every time. If I, like, got a new job after I got laid off that time, after my surgery and everything.And then like six months later, my daughter was born. I would never quit that job. Because then you're kind of dealtwith this pressure of. Ooh, every two weeks I got to have a paycheck. I got to have a paycheck. Job security, healthcoverage. All that would have gone through my mind and it would have been scary versus. It happened before we had akid. And I was ready to rock and roll by the time we had a kid. Chao.

00:10:04

Yeah, to answer your question, I think, you know, some of the hardest things that happen in our lives. They're not in ourcontrol, but sometimes they happen. but better. Yeah, and by force. by massive amounts of Darth Vader force. Amazing.So when you lost your job, I know that for a lot of men in particular, the loss of a job really shakes their identity. Andwas there a part of yourself that, when you did lose these two jobs, was there a part of yourself that you kind of had togrieve once this happened? Yeah, it's a good question. The first one, yes. You know, the first one kind of hit me hard.Um, Again, because I was shocked, number one. But then number two...

00:10:50

It was like me and my wife looked at each other and it was almost like we couldn't We couldn't process it. right and wedidn't like you never have a plan B for that type of stuff and It was just like this weird limbo we were in for probablylike a week. where we were just kind of baffled a little bit. And then, after that, there was that grieving process where Isaid, 'Oh, I don't know what I'm going to do. Like, how. Like, we go from... you know, bringing in six figures. with thisjob to now. Zero. End. Just a blink without any. planning or savings or anything.' So that kind of hurt a little bit.Thankfully, I've been through some rough times in my life from a career standpoint.

00:11:38

That was actually the first time I got laid off. But in terms of like business as a whole, I've been through a lot of ups anddowns financially. So I was able to kind of pivot and we had a real estate that we were able to, you know, sell rightbefore. We kind of crashed here a couple of years back down in Florida. So I was able to sell, actually, two propertiesand we were able to be able to have a good savings. To where I can kind of dip around and play with some ideas. Until.I could apply and then finally got that other job at Focus. But then, when I got laid off at that second one, then it wasactually kind of funny. Because.

00:12:12

you know, this is like, It was our way of kind of getting through it where I had the surgery and then. Her father passed,and then literally... I got laid off and we just kind of looked at each other. There's no way. It's now. It's not real. There'sno way this is possible. And, you know, thankfully we have good family and friends that were able to support usthrough all that. And my wife has been great through this whole thing. You know, she's obviously had ups and downswith her job as well. But, um, but thankfully, she's had the same job for a few years. And I think with that, we're able tokind of have some good support along the lines. I think that's the key, right?

00:12:48

I'm not saying everyone should quit their job and be an entrepreneur, but I think if you could figure out a way, like oneof you. Does your passion? And the other one. Sticks with a corporate job to get the health care. That's. That's not a badway to do things. And that's kind of what we've done. Thankfully, she likes her job. I like what I do. And if the roleswere ever reversed, I would do what I can to flip the script and work for corporate jobs so she can do her passion too.So I think it's just a matter of having that good balance. And, and, and each person has to kind of do their role to lift theother one up when, when they're down.

00:13:27

Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. And as far as the work that you're doing now, you've obviously stepped away frommore traditional corporate work. And even though you do get job offers, like you said, you've obviously decided to kindof pursue your own thing full time. Is there anything about entrepreneurship that scares you at the time when you lostyour jobs? And is there anything that scares you about entrepreneurship now that you're fully doing it, you know, pedalto the metal full time? Yeah, I think beforehand I wasn't too scared because I've always kind of had like an entrepreneurmentality. And I mean, even one of my first gigs before I was even in high school, it was me and my buddy Ty that usedto live down the street from me.

00:14:16

We started our own lawn mowing company in Florida. And it was like, I say company as in it wasn't LLC. It was just acouple of kids. I think we were like 13 or something. and we had all this equipment and his dad worked for a company Iforget what it was called now but it was like T-E-R-M. And. Uh, we whited out a lot of the cards. and made our ownbusiness cards? So we would white it out, if anybody remembers clip art back in the day. Where we would white it out,we'd put it through the scanner and then we'd add like a little clip art, like lawnmower logos. And then we put a coupleof dots in between T-E-R-M. And then we called it the term group.

00:14:59

And it stood for two energetic rambunctious mowers. It's so stupid. Weeheehee. But we did that and we just wouldliterally go around and mow people's lawns, pass out business cards, and get referrals. And it didn't last that long, ofcourse. But that was like my first taste into, this is kind of cool, where. you know, you can actually like do your ownshit. Like you might not have the healthcare coverage and... you know, the, uh, the ability to climb the corporate ladder.But I mean, you could like, you really do whatever you want. you know, as an entrepreneur and that was back in i don'teven know 2000 1999 something like that. So. Now, I kind of like through that 20, 30 year journey, I've been able tokind of mold my career path to where.

00:15:43

The pillars of my career have always been marketing, entrepreneurship, sales. So I think just being an entrepreneur hasalways been in my blood. And it wasn't scary. By any means. But when I had a kid. When we found out we werepregnant, I was like, 'Oh boy. That's kind of scary.' And just a side caveat to that, we did IUI and IVF in order toconceive. So that took about two years. Close to a quarter million dollars. So that wasn't uh— That wasn't very good.That ain't cheap. That ain't cheap. Good thing I had property or else we'd be screwed. You know, we, when thathappened, it was like, 'Okay. I need to really... focus on it and focus on putting the pedal to the metal.' And for me, itwas just more of a drive.

00:16:30

It wasn't really scared. It was just like, 'Oh, I can't mess around. Like this isn't a hobby. I really got to do it.' Um, and Ithink parallel to that, it's not just. 'Pedal to the metal' like, 'Hey, pull your boot top, my boot straps, be American.' Andyou know, it wasn't all that. It was. I think also like being frugal. And being really vigilant with how we're spendingmoney, I think is a big part of it. You know, if you find out you're pregnant today, you have nine months to get your shittogether. So that means stop going to Starbucks. That means. Instead of going to. You know, sprouts, farmer's market,and getting the healthy stuff, go to Aldi. You know, it's— you have to make those little sacrifices and then.

00:17:09

Once you get comfortable in here, we'll get a good nest egg. Then you can kind of go. And that's what we did for acouple of years when we were trying to get pregnant. Again, I always say. The rough times that you get put through arepreparing you for better times. And that's what it was— where we went through IUI and IVF that cost us hundreds ofthousands of dollars. But during that time, it's not like we were going out to dinner. Because we were broke. We didn'thave any money. We were spending it all on... this unborn kid. So I think that. Kind of taught us, oh, We got to take iteasy. Right. And again, that's just like the entrepreneur mentality.

00:17:44

If anybody's out there that owns a company, you got to keep your break-even low. And you got to make sure that you'renot spending more than what's coming in. Yeah, that's very true. So especially in terms of financial success, I wastalking to a friend on social media today and, you know, we were just going back and forth. It was a group of us. Wewere going back and forth about what the definition of true financial success really is. Some people were arguing that,you know, this was just a debate, not to say that one side was right or wrong or anything like that. But one of theindividuals was arguing that, you know. If you take individuals in our society that are well-known, that are billionaires,those same individuals are also massively in debt and they're very open.

00:18:29

About the fact that they're billions, maybe even trillions of dollars in debt, but they still have cash flow because theirassets are producing cash flow. And is that the epitome of success? And then one individual said, you know, 'He he's anentrepreneur. And he said, I take great pride in the fact that I don't have any debt. This was him personally.' He said, 'Idon't have any debt. I'm able to make, you know, a pretty substantial amount of money off of my side gigs and differentthings that he does. And he goes to me. That is success. It's not to say that these other things and programs and, youknow, ways of living aren't successful for other people. But, you know, depending on how you define it. But for him, hesaid.

00:19:18

This is how I define success. And I like being debt free. And he had an interesting little quote that went along with it.He said, 'I like. looking at my bank account and knowing that I'm richer than my own country. That's so funny. Yeah, itwas kind of cute.' So for you, as a dad and as a man, how do you define, how do you personally define financialsuccess? Yeah, I mean, I think you summed it up pretty nicely. I mean, I definitely don't want any debt by any means,because, you know, depending on how the laws are set up now, I think the only debt that does carry over, I believe, isstudent loans. I could be wrong on that in the U. S., but I'm almost positive that's the case.

00:20:04

So, like, if you have like $20,000 in credit card debt. You know, your wife doesn't take that over when you die. I'm onmy shit. I'm almost positive that's correct. So, if that's the case, I mean, you know. Okay, rack up the credit card bill.You know what I mean? So, but in terms of like having like capital and money. I think. To me, success has always been.You can go to any restaurant and not worry about the bill. Like internally, that's what, so whatever that means for you,right? Like maybe it's, you go to. Longhorn Steakhouse and it's a $80 bill and you don't even, you know, you just throwdown your debit card, whatever, you don't even care. Maybe it's going to like a Ruth Chris or.

00:20:43

you know, um, a really expensive restaurant that you've never been to, like a burned steakhouse. And that costs like$500 to go. And you just throw down your debit card and you feel good about it. You don't have to look at it or worryabout a tip. Um, so I think every person needs to define it differently, but that, to me, like. Headline. is like just going toa restaurant. ordering whatever you want and not worrying about not worrying about the bill. That has always beenkind of like my definition of it from a metaphorical standpoint. Um, but you talk about purpose a lot, you know, in thatstory. And it's like, what do you want to be known as? Like, what as a man? How do you want to be defined as?

00:21:20

And for me, I don't think it's financial success. Um, I think to me, success. From like a longevity standpoint, when Ipass away, if my gravestone had to... read one thing. It was, it would just be. He was a good father. Because that... Tome, that's like a legacy, right? I was reading an interesting article where it talked about 'Like.' historians and how theywere breaking down different world leaders over the centuries. And it only takes three people for someone to forgetabout you. So, like, for example, like my great-grandmother. I know her. But what are the odds my great-grandmotheris going to come up in conversation with my daughter? And even if it comes up once or twice, go down the line, is mydaughter going to mention that to her kids?

00:22:08

Probably not, right? Because it's four or five generations. So what does that mean? Well, that means you could dowhatever you want. You can work your ass off. You can make six figures. You can have your name and worry aboutyour namesake and passing your name to kids. But what if they change their name when they're 18? Like, there's somany variables that we think about. Like, what if we did this and that? But really, it's like, were you a good parent?Were you able to pass your knowledge to that next human being that could then do it to the next human being and thenext human being and That's how I look at legacy. Like a lot of people think of legacy as their name. Like TonyBerardo.

00:22:44

But really, it's like your legacy is— your offspring. That, to me, is everything. If you can raise a good human and thathuman can function in society, continue to be a a good person to your spouse and your kids and so on and so forth,that's how we're gonna— you know, that's how we're going to continue to evolve. And that's how we're going tocontinue to carry our legacy down. You know, I feel like that's so much more tangible than money. And then, of course,that's something that technically you're taking with you when you pass on. You know, because that's living through,right? Like the $100,000 you'd leave to your kid. They might buy a house and that's gone. It's wiped out. So now there'snothing left of you, right?

00:23:23

Like, were you a good dad? That's how I kind of look at success. Yeah, definitely. So you obviously love your daughter.She's a beautiful, you said two and a half years old now. Yeah, just turned two and a half. Wow, that's crazy. And wouldyou classify yourself as a stay-at-home dad? And the reason why I ask is because that phrase, 'stay-at-home dad,' I'veheard guys say that they... under no circumstances, would ever be a stay-at-home dad. They don't like that phrase. So doyou classify yourself as a stay-at-home dad? I do. I do. I mean, I work obviously full time, but I'm fortunate enough thatmy wife is as well, where she works at home. Um, But yeah, you're right though.

00:24:07

When someone says stay-at-home dad, they're like, 'Oh, so you don't work.' But, you know, unfortunately, there's noterm quite yet. That's why I say dadpreneur. Where it's: I'm a dad but I'm also an entrepreneur, so I'm able to do both.And that doesn't mean that if you're not a stay-at-home dad, you're not a good dad by any means. But I think there issomething powerful, very similar to if a mother was able to stay at home with her kid. There's a lot of power in that. Imean, is it fair to say if you have... your biological kid that you're with 24-7. Versus... you're dropping off your kid forsix hours a day at childcare when she's two. I mean, who's raising that kid at that point, right?

00:24:46

Who's... whose values is that kid going to pick up on, right? The social cues, the words that they use. Where's the kidgetting everything from the language, the behavior? could be the teacher that's at the childcare, could be the other 20kids that are there. But I think there is something beautiful and powerful where you can have your kid with you.Especially between... Zero to four. That's... Those are the years, man. You know, there's a reason why you're notnecessarily supposed to bring your kids into school early. You know, childcare is a very new thing. And in society. Ittypically was like you're with your kid for a few years. And then you drop them off at pre-K, right? Before that. They'resupposed to be with you.

00:25:27

Now, there's a lot of problems when it comes to that, right? In terms of not the parent itself, but like the government notallowing us to have the proper, you know. Not having the proper tools that we need to be financially independent to dostuff like that. Other countries are doing it pretty well. You know, you look at places like Italy and Finland, like all thesefolks are prioritizing kids. America, unfortunately, does not. So people feel forced to go to work. And I think that's ahorrible thing. So we're trying to do everything we can to make sure that we're always going to be at home as long aswe can and as long as it makes sense for our daughter. So if that means that we turn down a job that makes moremoney, to us.

00:26:12

It's an easy answer. It's way easier. Because, you know, I always tell this with... With buddies that have chakras, theyask me this all the time: 'Like, how do you do it?' I was like, 'How much you spend on a chocker?' They go. I don'tknow—$400 or $500 a week. I go, 'How many kids you have?' Three. Okay, do the math. It's almost two grand a week.Right. Let's round down. Let's say it's a grand a week. That's four grains a month. Do the math on that: 12. You'respending as much as your salary on childcare. You know, after taxes, what you bring home is probably close to theaverage. Actually, I think in the U. S. it's probably $33,000 to $38,000.

00:26:47

So if you're literally spending that on childcare, just quit your job. Quit your job because, then, now you're not spendingthat money— at least. At least you're with your kid. You know, I mean, and do that for a couple years, and then maybego back to work, you know, if you, if you want to start your kid at preschool, but that's been always. Our attitude is like,why would we work so hard? Just to pay for childcare. When we could just be at home with her kid and teach her thecurriculum and do what we have to do. And that's just always been our attitude. So I love being a stay-at-home dad andit would take a lot of money. And something I'm really, really passionate about. To stop that.

00:27:28

Yeah, definitely. Now, there are people, of course, who would say to you, 'Well, child care isn't the only bill that I have.I have other bills I have to pay. Know that presence is a really big deal for you, presence with your wife, presence withyour child. So what would you say to someone who argues and says, 'Well, my presence doesn't pay the other bills?That I have. Yeah, I would say. Let me take a look at your finances. Because I bet I could slice that up. I bet I could takeyour $4,000 mortgage and your big house that has two empty rooms. You need to downsize.' and you need to get rid ofyour streaming services because you only watch Netflix, why do you have Disney and Hulu and Amazon Prime, like?

00:28:13

You know, like there's so many things that I think we're just so used to having. But. We don't want to get rid of it. So wethink that life is expensive, and obviously it is. I'm not saying it's not. But you can live a much better stress-free life ifyou just downgrade. You know, and I learned this at an early age when I bought my first house. Prior to that, Ispecifically saved up money to buy a home because I knew my rent of my apartment was going to go up from having astudio apartment, which I had for many years. It was 750 bucks a month. And they told me, 'And the next year, it'sgoing to be $1,500 a month.' And this happened to a lot of people.

00:28:53

About 10 years ago, right? Because they realized that the rental property market was underwhelmed, and we needed tostart charging people an arm and a leg because people are always going to buy it, right? And this was kind of... uh, inthe loom of everything that happened in 08. And they're like, 'How can we make the market a little bit better?' Soeveryone was renting, and there was, oh, everyone's renting. Let's start. Jacking up the price. So I realized at that point Ineeded to save up money because why would I spend $1,500 on a rental apartment when I could just have a mortgage.So I spent 12 months really working hard, not going out, not drinking.

00:29:27

Doing everything I can to save as much money as I can to be able to put a down payment on a house. And I say all thatbecause I think people need to change up their mentality of their expenses. You know, I mentioned Starbucks earlier.wife is addicted to Starbucks, but she knows. It's a very rare occasion that we do it. Because instead we would ratherbuy the Starbucks ground coffee and make it at home. Is it as good? No, probably not. But these are just things, man.Like these are just things that you're addicted to. Like you think a Starbucks every single day is what you need becauseyou have to get through the day. Let me tell you why you're stressed, okay? You're ready? Sit down. You're ready?

00:30:02

You're stressed because of money. That's it. That's the only reason you're stressed. Because of money. So stop spendingit. And. You'll have less stress. Now, again, you won't be able to have the nice car or the big house or anything, buteverything that you go down the list of like, ooh, but I... I can't get rid of this because I need it. Those are all needs.Those are all needs. You got a roof over your head and food in the fridge. You are living life, my friend, you know, andthen once you can save up money and live below your means for a little bit. You'll realize, once you have a nice littlecushion and a nice little nest egg, that you can do a lot with that.

00:30:40

I think if you ask anybody that makes over six figures or even seven figures, whether they have stress. The answer isyes, of course they do. So obviously, money doesn't fix stress. Um, if anything, it adds to it. I would say, because themore money you have, the more problems you have. You know. Who said it best? Mo Money World problems? Whowas that? Was it David? Yeah, I can't remember. I do know what you're talking about, though. But, you know, a coupleof questions for you. If a guy, let's say he loses a job and he's got to sit with that uncertainty about what he's going to dofor money and how he's going to get a new job or is he going to start this new business, this new venture?

00:31:22

How do you recommend that he sits with that self-judgment and that discomfort that he has, especially if he has a wife?Because there are a lot of guys that have said that they don't want their wives to work. I think for some of them, it feelsemasculating. In some cases, especially if their wife is making more than they do or is the breadwinner and those kindsof things. So if a guy is in that situation. How do you recommend that they kind of sit with that emotional discomfort?Yeah, I mean, it is very uncomfortable and I could totally relate to it. I think the right question is... Yeah. I mean, theright question is like, are you with the right partner? That would be my. That would be my question.

00:32:06

Like, if something does happen to you and you are worried about that. Something went on in that relationship to whereyou are. You just are not confident in that relationship because you know. I am very fortunate to where that did happento me my wife was supportive. But if it went on for six months where I wasn't working, just playing video games, shewould. Takk for at du så med. Check me. Right. And I think that's the partner you need— is you need to hold each otheraccountable. You know, for men that think. They should do this thing because maybe... That spouse needs to do thisthing. Ooh, I don't know. That's a slippery slope. You know, what does the spouse want to do, right?

00:32:45

Like if you ask my wife if she wants to work, the answer is no, she does not want to work. But she can't quit. We bothhave to work in order to pay the bills. Or I have to get a job that gets me out of the house, and she doesn't want that. SoI think that's the type of part you need where. I've turned down money, like I said, that I could make over a quartermillion dollars a year, which I'm only making six figures now. But if I was to make a quarter million dollars a year, Imean, that's twice, that's a lot of money for people. But I would be gone four days a week. So I asked her: 'Should I takethis?' And this was before we were pregnant when we found out we were.

00:33:18

I was like, 'Should I?' What do you think I should do? She's like: 'I think if you take it, you got to quit in nine months.' Idon't want you to take it. I want you to be home. So I we just got to figure it out, okay. Beautiful, I love it. That's what Iwanted to hear. And I think that's the type of partner you need to have. It's the yin and the yang, you know, someonethat'll pick you up when you're down and vice versa. When she's down, you're going to pick her up. Because I don'tknow if... I don't know if there is an excuse anymore to be depressed about something like that. Like now, you askedme 20 years ago, my answer would be different.

00:33:50

You know, I'm 40 now. But now, with these little stupid things in our pocket. Dude. There's no excuse. You know, likeyou keep doing what you're doing with this podcast. Eventually, you're going to be able to make money off it. Right.And this is— you're sitting in your grandma's house. I mean, come on, this is. You know, you can make money doingwhatever you want. I think the problem that people have, again, I go back to money. That's the stressor. That is the Xfactor of everything. You're only stressed if you get unemployed. Because you have $5,000 a month in bills, $10,000 amonth in bills. So if you didn't have that, if you got unemployed, you'd be like, 'eh, alright, whatever.' I got money inthe bank.

00:34:27

I saved up. Well, the reason you don't have money in the bank is because your nut is so big. You just, you're spendingtoo much money a month. And I think this is where people, I always tell people, if you are working for a corporate job,you're under a two-week contract. That's it. Two weeks, because at any moment they could lay off. Like you could say, 'Oh, but I signed a contract. No, no, no.' Look deep in that contract, my friend. They could lay you off for anything. Infact, they could make something up. And lay you off. It's happened to thousands of people every single day. And it doesnot matter what you do, how good you are. It's two weeks. You have a two-week contract. So be prepared.

00:35:04

Be prepared. You should always have six months saved up. And if you don't, start today. That means... Kill yourexpenses. Don't spend any money. Save up that six months. So that way, if and when you get laid off, because it'sprobably going to happen. If and when you get excited about it, you got six months of savings. Now you got six monthsof bills that are already paid for ahead of it, you know, in advance. And then you could just look for a job in that sixmonths. Or you could freelance and do a lot of stuff from your phone or your laptop from home until you get. Youknow. Where are you going to be? So I just think it's okay to feel those things because it is very depressing.

00:35:41

And emasculating for sure. But if you got the right partner, dude, you can get through anything. And I think that's thekey. Yeah. Yeah. Well said and wise words for sure. So in your situation, obviously your, your lifestyle is different thana lot of people that I personally know. And I would say you're very unique and definitely an outlier in this communityof families, entrepreneurs, you know, fathers, the whole thing. You're definitely an outlier, at least from my personalperspective. You kind of reach. Yeah. And I mean that. Yeah. No, I definitely mean that as a compliment. And an outlieris a it's actually outlier is my word of the year for 2026. That's the word I've chosen as corny as it may be. So I meanthat in a very positive sense when I say that.

00:36:31

feel that you're an outlier. And yeah, so for you, you've obviously redefined relationships for yourself. You've redefinedbusiness and success for yourself. You've redefined work, what work looks like for yourself. You've redefined whatparenting and being a father looks like for yourself. And so has redefining all those elements and really being secure inwho you are as a father and as an entrepreneur, has that... Helped you to tolerate any kind of judgment that you mayreceive from others that maybe don't agree or have a different philosophy about this kind of lifestyle that you're living?Yeah, it's a great question. Yeah, I think it's everything that I've been through, not just in the last couple of years thatI've told you about here, but, you know, just 40 years.

00:37:21

It's not a lot of time by any means, but. I feel like I've gone through a lot too much for a 40-year-old. And I feel like thatalone has kind of built up my resilience to any type of negative comment, feedback. judgment even from friends and alot of people kind of give me like the stink eye when I say some of these things to him, like, well, you know, you. Youcould say that for all you want, but you're lucky, dude. You're lucky to be home with my, with your kid. Like if I couldbe home with my kid, I would too. And I go. Can be. You can be. But you like things more. There's nothing wrong withthat. There's a lot of cool shit out there.

00:37:58

You know, like you have a nice car. You have a nicer car than me. I get it. I don't want those things. I don't drive. I stayat home. So I don't need a car. Like who am I? When I'm inside the vehicle, I don't see the car. When you're driving thatnice car, everyone else sees the car. So when you have a nice car, you're buying it for them. They're the only ones to seeit. You know, when you're at home and you park in the garage, you don't see the car. You get out, you go inside. So Idon't know, it's this. Some people call it stoic. Like a lot of people say I'm too stoic. I, I've just, I've always had thisobjective mindset of like, 'We are just so attached to things.

00:38:35

and people. And, you know, like the political spectrum is a great example to where you're always attached to onespecific ideology. And if you talk to another friend that. doesn't agree with that. There's no convincing them otherwise.Whether you're right or wrong, each person thinks they're right, which is hilarious. So you cannot commit. And it's kindof the same thing where. Where I have these conversations with friends, they're like: 'They think they're right.' Andthat's, you know, it's all good. Um, but this is kind of what I want to do. And I just know. Out of all the people that I'vetalked to that are above 75 years old, that are on their way out or unhealthy, their biggest regret is not spending timewith family. They're big.

00:39:17

You line up 100 people over 80, I guarantee 99 of them are going to say: 'I wish I spent more time with family.' Sowhen I'm on my deathbed and someone asks me what my regrets are, it ain't going to be that. Because I will confidentlysay that I have spent decades doing everything I can to spend as much time with my family as I can. Chao. That's how Ipush back on people is like. It's just a job. Just a car. Just a house. What are you doing? Come on. Is this what this is?And in fact, that kind of leads me, if you don't mind, if you have a second. Not at all. Um, there's an interesting proverbthat I'm like obsessed with and I have been for years.

00:39:57

And I'll shorten it up. I'll paraphrase it. Essentially, it ties in American culture in a nutshell. And you can relate it toanything, including parenting. But there's this... There's this little village where this gentleman had a huge family andjust a handful of friends. And every single morning they go out. And they do some fishing first thing in the morning.They come back to the village. They cook up, you know, the fish and they cut up some fruit down from the tree. Theydrink some wine and they tell stories around the campfire at night. It's like this whole day event. They do it every day.And then next thing you know, this American pulls up in this boat and looks around. He's like, 'This is gorgeous.' Triessome of the food at the village.

00:40:38

He's like, 'How do you guys get this fish?' Oh, we fish ourselves. Tell them the whole story. What can I hop on the boat?I want to see you guys, how you do this thing. This is amazing. So, American hops on the boat with this villager andthey'd go through the whole process. Gets at the end of the night, they're around the campfire, and the American goes, 'Bro. You got a business here.' And they'll just be like, 'What do you mean?' He's like, 'Imagine if you trained four orfive other villagers to do this. We can go right down the road there and we could sell it to all these other people and sellthis fish and sell these fruits and cut it.

00:41:11

We can make a whole business out of this, a whole village. And the guy goes, 'Why would I do that?' And he goes, 'Well, that way you can do this for like 20, 30, 40 years, eventually have enough money to buy some property and dowhatever you want, just retire.' And the villager goes, 'Well, that would be nice, but what would I do?' And theAmerican goes. 'That's the beauty of it. Do whatever you want when you retire. You'll have all the money in the world.What would you do if you retire? He says to the villager. The villager goes, 'I mean, I would. Wake up in the morning, Iwould fish. I would hang out with my friends. Chop down fruit from the tree and drink wine and tell stories around thecampfire.

00:41:50

And the whole point is he's doing exactly what he wants to.' But this dumb American comes in and says, 'Oh, I got tomake this a business and profit. It's like. Relax. It's all good. Like if you're doing what you do. You don't need to putlike a financial tag on it or the retirement plan on it. Know that's the funny thing is like we don't know how much timewe have left. Like, why would you spend so many hours in the day doing something you hate. To maybe retire and dosomething you love. Why don't you do something you love now and worry about everything else later? Yeah. And as analternative ending to that story, I had heard the American.

00:42:35

Got a, had a booming business, and he eventually got to the point where he was able to, you know, do whatever hewanted because he was quote unquote financially free. And then he went and did all the very same things that thevillager was already doing. I've heard that. Yeah. But he spent decades doing it. Yeah. Doing it like backwards. So,yeah, such is the American way of life, for sure. So when I first met you, this is more so for the audience members whoare listening to this. But when I first met you, you had told me about your really interesting background, I think, whichis Italian. Is that right? You have an Italian dad? Okay, cool.

00:43:18

Could you kind of, I got to hear the story about your dad and a little bit about who he was and what your relationshipwas like. Could you kind of just recount some of that for the listeners for us? Because I have a question that's like basedon that context. Sure, yeah. I mean, my dad still is, you know, he's a great dad. He's a great grandfather. He's verylogical and objective in some aspects and respects, hardworking. He still works his ass off. He's well over 65. He'llprobably retire any day now. He's always. Worked hard, I mean, he was with Coca-Cola for almost 20 years and then hemoved on to Fiji Water for a decade and then now the company's at another decade, so he's he's always been very loyal,very hard working.

00:44:03

When I was a kid, when he was first, when I was first born. He and his buddy started their own company as well. I thinkit's it's in my blood. And then, when he realized that I was born, he... you know, worked three jobs, including at agrocery store at Piggly Wiggly. And then, you know, he just hasn't stopped working for 60 years. And yeah, he's Italian.He's from Jersey. He's part of a big family, which is a big reason why I want to have more kids. But he's always kind ofhad this like... Middle brother is a twin but he's kind of this like the 'middle brother' attitude, where he's very safe, veryItalian, and very like— You know what I mean? And that kind of instilled in me, I think, in that.

00:44:53

Uh, that part is just built into my DNA to where I almost... I think we all want to be better than our parents. But whenwe say that, it sounds weird, right? Because that's saying your parents are bad, and that's not the case with these guys. Istill have great parents, and they were great parents, but I think we can always find ways to improve. And he did thatwith me because his dad was a prick. So I'm told. And I just, I kind of always look at that culture where it's like, it's sogreat to be a part of, but it's also like there was a lot of cons. You know, a couple generations ago. And he's done a greatjob of kind of instilling a lot of things in me that I carry, you know, to this day.

00:45:38

And, uh, yeah, I'm just, I'm very fortunate. He's a good dude. Yeah, I hope. Many, many more decades. Hopefully,hopefully. Were there any parts of masculinity? Because I think, based on what you said and what I remember from ourconversation, which you and your dad are at least somewhat different in your parenting styles, at least, or parentingphilosophies. Were there any parts of the term 'masculinity,' however you interpret that, were there any parts ofmasculinity that you felt like you had to unlearn to be the father that you are today? Yeah, that's a good question. Imean, he's definitely... He was more, quote unquote, masculine, I guess you could say. But I think it was just the time,man. Like, you know, if you ask any dad.

00:46:21

That's a grandpa now. You know, any baby boomer out there. It was just like a different world, you know, like his, his,his parents came from the boat, right? So they came from Italy to Jersey and then that's where he was born with hissiblings. So there was always like. The rule, the spoon, watch yourself. You know, you're going to get slapped in publictype of thing with his parents. And he was never like that with me, but he was definitely like— Stern. It wasn't like, 'We're friends.' Um, Great father, though, as I was a kid, like we did so many fun things together and sporting gamesand like all that stuff. But I looked up to him not just as a hero, as like someone I wanted to be, but also like a reallystern, strict father that I think would instill a good human.

00:47:08

And. The downfall of that, though, is... He got divorced from my mother when I was 15. So... There was a few yearswhere I didn't like either of them. So. I think I kind of had like the, the, sugar and salt. If that makes sense. Where I waslike, 'They were really strict and good, and they were loving and all that, but then also like I hated them for a while.And I rebelled and, you know, I just did the typical teenage thing to an extreme. And when I hit rock bottom there.That's when it was like. Oh. Yeah, I... I shouldn't have done any of that. Like what was I doing? And that was the wake-up call. And then I think... The pendulum shifted.

00:47:58

Like another 180 degrees, like all the way up to where I learned so many stupid things to do. Meanwhile, my parentsare telling me what to do and I'm ignoring them. And now it's more empathy, right? Like as a father myself, I knoweverything I tell my daughter is going to go probably one ear out the other. She's going to soak things up. But whenshe's 18, she's going to do what she's going to do. Maybe sooner. But. Like it was for me. So I think there's empathy inthat aspect to where now I'm more compassionate, still masculine, but I have that compassion that maybe my parentsdidn't have. Because they didn't have it. You know, when they were kids.

00:48:34

So I think I was kind of fortunate, again, going back, circling up to where all the shitty things that happen to us, that'sout of our control. Typically, we come back stronger. So I feel like I'm a better father for that. Because I realized that Iwas wrong as a kid. And hopefully I can instill that in my child. But. I say that to laugh because my dad told me, 'Neverdo drugs, bro.' Yeah. I didn't listen. So. Uh, I'm probably going to say that to my kid and I'm, at least now I know. She'sprobably not going to listen. So there is a little bit of indifference. Also empathy, but you know, it's, uh, It's a weirdthing with parents, right?

00:49:14

Because we always say that we're not going to do what our parents did, but usually it's like instilled in us and we end updoing a lot of it anyway. So I think now I'm just a little bit more objective to where I can sit back and. Think first. Andthen act, versus back then they didn't have like Chat GPT to ask for parent advice. So back then it was like all like.Maybe I hit him in the face with a spoon. Maybe that'll work. I don't know. So... Um, yeah, I just, I think we all have tobe a little bit smarter with things and more logical. So that's what I'm trying to be as a father. Yeah, totally understand. Iremember when my dad had the drug talk with me as well.

00:49:47

He just told me, 'My dad never, ever, ever told me what to do or what not to do. Never a day in his life.' Has he everdone that? But he told me, he said, 'I never really wanted to try drugs. I never had the desire to do it. And I asked him,why? Why didn't you have the desire to do it like other people have? He said, well, I was afraid that I might like it. Thatwas his answer to me. And I was like, yeah. And so he always had. He always has wise things to say, like that, thatthey're kind of a little bit provocative. They make you think a little bit. And in terms of like discipline and stuff, hewould never. I mean, I've got good girl syndrome.

00:50:34

I always want to be the good girl. And, you know, so I've got that. So I never really wanted to do anything bad to beginwith. But my dad, he told me. When I was younger, he said, 'You... can do whatever you want to do, right?' He goes, 'I'll give you all the rope that you need. Just don't hang yourself with it.' I love that. So he always had these little thingsthat he would say, and they've stuck. I'm 38 now, and they've just always stuck with me. So I don't ever plan to havekids. I don't want to have kids. That's why I do this podcast, and that's why I teach. Well, you probably don't want tohave kids because you teach. Yeah, probably. Yeah.

00:51:13

I've never wanted kids like ever, not even when I was even younger or anything like that. It's just never been a desirethat I've had. But as a as a teacher, I've definitely if I did have any maternal instinct, they're gone. So funny. Completelygone. So I always I always tell I had a buddy that was a teacher and we were just a goof and say. You know, the best.Heh heh. The best protection against sex. Be a teacher. Oh, yeah. That's the best way to not have kids. 100%. It's birthcontrol-like. Yeah, exactly. Extreme form of birth control. But I do have another question for you. And that question isabout the modern man. We mentioned the country, you know, the culture of America and, you know, how difficultthings can be, how we're not really.

00:52:04

able to do certain things because we're forced to, you know, work constantly and all that. And so the question that Ihave is, do you think that modern men are just simply not given permission to choose family over work or status. Yeah,I think there's a little bit of that. I think similar to how women... I can only speak for my wife because that's the mostintimate woman in my life. But, um, I think a lot of women feel pressured to be a CEO. Now. Uh, I don't know if that'sright or wrong. That's up to each. Each woman to decide. But the question is like, If you're not going to be, for example,yourself. If you're not going to be a mother, that's a great route to go because you want to be successful.

00:52:52

But it's also like. I am a CEO. I'm a, you know, I own my own company. It sucks, dude. It's a lot of pressure. Like, so Ialways laugh when I hear like girls in their thirties that want to be like CEOs. I'm like, 'Bye.' Just pick another. Youdon't. There's a lot of things that men need to be better at. Like, we need to pay women more for sure, you know, inevery industry, no doubt. But there's a reason why, like, there's not a lot of male nurses. It's not zero. It's becausewomen just have... great hearts and they can connect with humans that men just cannot. They're empathetic and they'recompassionate and they're beautiful. Men are the opposite of those things. We're none of those things.

00:53:37

That's why there's more male engineers. Because we don't talk to anybody and we tinker. You know? It doesn't meanthat women shouldn't get the opportunity to be engineers. I have friends that are engineers. But I guess my point is,though, we just keep labeling things, and I think it's just going to be... disastrous to society. You know, I think we'reseeing a huge decline in birth rates. There's a lot of reasons for that. Across the world. It's not just in the U. S. But Ithink a lot of that has to do with society. and pressure. And social media amplifying that pressure. And I don't know ifit's good or bad. I could just tell you that, if we stop making people— That's not good. We've got to make people.

00:54:22

However, we do that, right? It doesn't mean you have to be in a male and female relationship, but. Women. Kind of gotto have kids, you know, or do we want to just have a bunch of robots? Making kids, which China is working on that, bythe way. True story. So. What is the right answer? I don't know. I just think. If you look at households across the board,if there's a great father and a great mother and they're there with the kid as much as they can be. The odds of that key.The odds of that kid being... a great human. are pretty good. So when you take away one of those factors. I think theodds of that kid being good. declines drastically.

00:55:01

I'm a spitting image, which is why I use that example. My parents got divorced when I was 15. My dad remarried. Mymother still is not remarried, and... It's hard. It's very difficult. From the age of 15 to now I'm 40, still on a daily, evenaround the holidays, I'm dealing with. issues between the two of these folks. It's stressful, man. Like, it's just one thingthat I don't need. So could I be a better human if they were together? Probably. Would they be happier? Definitely not.So obviously they made the right decision. But I think. How can we work on ourselves to make sure that we're together.And you're with your spouse and you're with the right person. You're with the right person and you have the kid.

00:55:43

You don't just have the kid. Because you had a drunken night at the bar, and oops, let's get married. That's probably notgoing to be. a good long-term strategy. So. I think the modern man just needs to rethink how they do things andunderstand that if you are going to have a kid. That's your priority now. You know, that's your priority because there's,there's a lot of fatherless boys out there. And those are not going to be good humans, statistically. So I think dads justneed to take responsibility if you are going to have a child. You need to be a dad. That's it. Now, you don't have to be adad. But understand that. If you have sex without a condom, the odds of you becoming a father are pretty good.

00:56:24

Be ready for that and don't blame it on society. That you have to work harder. You know, because I think there is a bigresponsibility of being a father and it's probably the most important thing you're going to do. And I think we just needto be ready for it. And to me, that's, that's. That's what I wake up for. That's what motivates me and gets me excited. It'smy whole personality now. And I can't wait to have more. And it's just... It's the greatest gift in the world. I know youdon't want to have kids, so I'm not trying to sell you on kids. Oh, no, you're fine. I don't think everyone should havekids, but I will say that. I haven't met any parents that regret it.

00:56:59

Um, I have, have you? None of my maybe, maybe they haven't told me, but I just can't imagine, like, looking at my kidand being like. Nah, I wish. I wish you weren't here. You know what I mean? Like, that's a regret to me. Like, theyprobably regret— like, oh, I don't have date nights anymore. I'm sleepy. All that shit. But... I don't think a parent wouldlook at a kid and be like, 'eh.' I should have taken the pill. You know what I mean? I don't know. So, well, based onsome of the stories I've heard, I hear you. Yes, I do hear you. But yeah, there's there. If somebody experiences profoundregret in that— where they feel regret at having their own child.

00:57:45

There's obviously a very severe situation going on. And I would never want to minimize that or discount that and say, 'you know, oh, it's just this or it's just that.' But it's these situations that people, some people find themselves in. Areextreme and I'm not saying they're the outliers in the negative sense. I'm sure but of course usually the people who havetold me in confidence that they've regretted having children they're women I've never spoken to a father on that levelbefore, but the mothers, and I think a lot of what you're saying, at least from my perspective, it really does highlight thefundamental differences in the thought processes of... men and women. It's just different. I think that we can definitelyempathize with one another in a certain way, but there are just certain things that...

00:58:42

Men will never understand about women. And there are certain things that women will never understand about men.And I can just, I can see it coming through plain as day, even when we're just talking. Like, for example, when youbrought up the CEO, why would, you know, you want to become a CEO? It's hard. It's this, it's that. For me. Becominga CEO, it's not about the title or anything of that nature, but I know for me, just work in general, whether I'm a CEO ornot. It's very. Fulfilling it's very fulfilling to me personally and it's yeah there are moments where it's hard absolutely butit's it's it's a worthy endeavor. And I even remember this was kind of a formative thing in my.

00:59:25

In my youth, I was listening to Princess Diana, and she was talking about how, you know, pursuing her causes, whetherthey were altruistic in nature or business or oriented in nature, she found so much personal reward and fulfillment inpursuing those things more so than she ever did being a wife. And it's just it's just a very big difference between menand women. We're speaking. We're operating on very different frequencies at this point in time. And I do not know ifthose if the lines I know that they're going to run parallel for a long time, but I do not know if they are ever going totruly intersect. Yeah, no, well said. Yeah. And, you know, again, when I when I say I'm. I'm stressed and it sucks beinga CEO.

01:00:09

It's mainly the stress, right? Like it's, it's the idea of. just waking up every day and being on 100% commission really iswhat it's about. Now, I think going back to that, if you love what you do, like I love what I do, it motivates me to work.Um, But I don't want to work forever. I mean, my goal is not to be a 60 year old CEO. Right. And I think. That's whereperception on people is a little bit different in America versus like other countries to where. You know, we want to be aCEO because why? You said not because of the title, and that's beautiful. You love what you do. But in 20 years, willyou like it? Maybe. Maybe you'll shift a little bit.

01:00:45

Or maybe one day you just want to end up retiring when you're 50 and... get a nice little house in Italy. and have yourown vineyard. You won't, you'll be a CEO technically, but it's something out of the realm of like what you've beendoing forever. I think what I've started to think about as all those things have happened to me and just kind of like fullcircle, bringing it back is. When I am 60, what do I want to do? That's how I think now. I don't think what I want to donext year. You know, what do I want to do with my job that I'm currently at? Like, I don't— I don't think about itbecause to me, that's not long term. Nothing is guaranteed.

01:01:21

You know, if I become a CEO at a company, how do I know I'm going to be at that company forever? And I think forme, yeah, I'm a little bit butthurt, of course, from everything I went through. I've lived by this one quote that I reallylove. And it talks about like the purpose of life. And I think Jimmy Carr said, I don't know if he started saying it, but hesaid, 'Just enjoy the passage of time. Enjoy the passage. Five words. Enjoy the passage of time. And if you are enjoyingbeing a CEO, beautiful.' If you're enjoying having kids, great. If you don't want kids, great. Are you enjoying it?Beautiful. That to me is like, you're living life, dude. You're rich. You know, we talk about success.

01:02:03

That's success. You know, there's a lot of people that you can run into. We recently went over to Italy and we ran into abunch of people that don't have nice cars. They don't have a house. They got a little place that's right on the water. And,you know, it's 700 bucks a month for them to live like out the door, food, electrical, everything, 700 bucks a month.And they make 30 grand a year. And they are happy as a pig and shit. And then you really start questioning life. You'relike, 'What? Am I doing?' Now, can you be successful in Italy? Nope. Can you be successful in, you know, UK?Probably not. You might even get banned for posting something on Twitter.

01:02:42

Like there's so many negatives of other countries, but the one negative that I cannot stand about America is we are sogreat at everything and we're so innovative. It is poison. To our society. Because everybody wants to fucking wake upand be. this. or that. And you are just not happy with just going in your backyard. and not hearing anything. and beingbored. Like people aren't bored anymore. People want to wake up and they want to grab their phone right away becausethey got to get the email before the guy's in California. Like, what? But, again, if you want to be in America and youwant to be the best, that's what you got to do. And it is. It's great for some. For others, it's toxic. I happen to land on thelatter.

01:03:24

I think it's slightly toxic. But if you asked me 20 years ago, I'd think the opposite. So it's different. Yeah, definitely. Iagree with you, especially about the concept of passage of time, because, you know, even I think it was Charlie Kirkwho even said, you know, there's a. There's a quote that he always lived by, and I'm not sure if it's biblical or not, but itwas, 'This too shall pass.' And so it was a quote that he utilized to remain humble, but he also used it to give himconfidence during difficult times. So, for example, in a difficult time, a trial, like when you lost your job, saying toyourself, 'This too shall pass,' gives you the hope and the strength and the willpower to know that you're going to makeit through.

01:04:09

It's okay. Just hang on a little longer. You'll get through. But on the humble side. If you're at the top of your game, topof your career, you're the happiest you've ever been with your child, and you're just being the best dad in the world.This too shall pass. And so, just... really enjoying those moments and being humble and knowing that they're not goingto last forever really does put you in the present moment and it keeps you grounded. And I love that. I think it's a. abeautiful thing. So piggybacking off that thought, and your critique of American culture, which I totally, totally, totallyresonate with, is what does. Does your average day with your daughter teach you that no career, no job, no deal, noentrepreneurship, no nothing ever did?

01:04:54

So what does the average day with your daughter teach you that no job or career ever did? Uh, patience. No career, jobthat I've ever been in teaches you patience because they always want you to go, go, go, go, go. You know the deadline'sMonday, don't forget send that email by five. It's always like, go, go, go. The one thing I learned from my daughter is.Patience. Is like when she's playing and her toy kitchen. She wants you to watch. You can't send an email. You can'tpick up your phone. You don't need to scroll TikTok. You just need to watch her. You need to be bored. And it's notgoing to be exciting. She's going to grab an ice cube and put it in.

01:05:36

The tray and then put it back and then put it on top and then put it on the ground. She's going to give it to you and put itin your pocket and she's going to take it away. It's going to be 30 minutes of accomplishing nothing. And deep inside,it's going to bother you. Until you realize... She's a little human. She's learning how to do all this stuff, aren't you? Youjust need to be patient. And you don't need to jump on something and try to fix something real quick. You don't need toshow her what to do. You just need to let her figure it out. And that, to me, has been the most beautiful thing of justwatching her? Figure out everything. And.

01:06:10

Narrating as we go along, so she understands, of course. But just being patient and not being distracted by all the otherelements in the world, because there's a lot to be distracted about. If you could just sit and watch them. Like, if it wasup to me, if I could get paid to just watch her. For nine hours a day, ten hours a day, I would do it. Forget everything I'mdoing. Forget the money. Like, I would get paid. Half the amount that I get paid annually. If someone says, 'All you gotto do is just watch your kid and see what she does.' Man, it would be awesome. Yeah, most definitely. There are somany more questions that I want to ask you. So we'll definitely have to have you back on the show.

01:06:44

But I have because there's so many questions. About the IVF, the infertility, you know, just the whole thing of your, thewhole story and your background is fascinating. And I know people will want to hear about it. So. This is your officialinvitation to come back on the show anytime that you want to. Thanks so much. Yeah, you're very welcome. So I wantto ask you one more question, and this is something that I always ask all the podcast guests when they come on theshow, and it's open to interpretation. So it's a pretty simple question, totally open to interpretation, however you see it.And the question is, what do you think is the most important education? Because I'm a teacher, so I always have to kindof come at it from that angle.

01:07:24

But what do you think is the most important education that a child could ever receive? Ooh. That's a great question.And I'm not an educator, so obviously you know more than I do, but... I will say the most important thing, which I kindof talked a little bit about earlier, is being bored. The most important thing to me is have your child be bored. because...I feel like they learn more, at least from what I've seen in the last two and a half years. They can do things that youdon't even think are possible. And they pick up on cues and they... They watch you and everything you do. At a veryearly age. So when you think they're on their own and they need your help, they really don't.

01:08:12

And it's okay that they fall. And, you know, they learn from it. Just having them be bored. To me has been eye-opening.Um, At an early age, that is anyway. If we talk about kind of like later on. You know, I think the most important thingfrom an educational standpoint is. Finances. Like that. That to me is my biggest. Yik. Like I talk about the board aspectbecause that's where I'm at now as a parent. But like fast forward, I'm terrified about putting my kid through school,which I know we could talk about maybe next time. It has nothing to do with like teachers or anything. I just think thecurriculum hasn't changed in decades. Oh, yeah. As you know. And... The one thing that they need to learn is financesbecause.

01:09:05

We talked a lot about this on this episode. I think if you could fix. If you could fix your spending— A lot of stuff getsfixed. If you could fix the amount of money that you spend on a monthly basis, a lot of your problems, a lot of yourstress, a lot of your anger disappears quite rapidly. So I think finances need to be a bigger portion of. The curriculumand not even like in high school, because obviously it is. I'm talking like elementary school. Teach these kids. That'swhat they do in China. I mean, they teach them coding in elementary school. There's a reason why they're smarter thanus. It's a fact. Statistically. So I think the more finances and we could teach them how to budget.

01:09:43

But I know they won't do that because they want us to be little worker bees. So he, the board will not ever teach us likereal estate or anything like that. But that's, that's one thing I wish. Yeah, that's a great answer. And no, that definitelywill not happen. As someone who's in the public education system, I can tell you with 100% certainty that will nothappen. But you know what? This has really been an amazing show. There's still so much more to talk about, but I'mreally excited that you mentioned finances because the next week, I believe I'm filming another. podcast with anindividual who is a father he's a he's a parent he's a husband all that but he's also a financial advisor and he is someonewho's really going to go into some really unique things and just as a as a sneak peek to that.

01:10:29

I spoke to him the other day and, you know, I try to not grill the people that I want on the podcast, but I really do wantto know. and make sure that the people I bring on this show are a people of substance. And so I know that a financialadvisor, you could throw a rock and hit 15 of them. So I wanted to make sure that he's someone of substance. And sohow I did that was there was a post on Reddit that I had seen where a mother wrote that her four or five-year-olddaughter. had a piggy bank and she placed 50 cents in her piggy bank and the little girl held the little girl put the 50cents in the piggy bank and she held the piggy bank and she held it over her head like this and she goes i'm rich and thelittle girl was so excited you know that she had this 50 cents in her piggy bank and the mom posted on reddit and shegoes

01:11:19

How do I tell? my daughter that she's not rich. What do I tell her? What what do I do? And I know I can see the look onyour face. So funny. And so I told the guy who's coming on the show next week, I told him that story. And I said, whatshould what should the mother do should she tell the daughter that you know should she tell her the cold hard truth thatshe's not rich and that 50 cents is is nothing and the guy responded to me and this is when i knew he needed to come onthe show he said What the mother doesn't understand is that her daughter... is rich. She absolutely is rich because... Thething is, he mentioned this, he said, that little girl...

01:12:06

realized that when she put 50 cents, the 50 cents into her piggy bank, she was making an investment into herself. Andthat, by definition, made her rich. And I said, 'Oh, yeah, you're coming on the show. You got to get on here, buddy.Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. I can't wait to hear that. Yeah. Keep me posted on that one. I will. I will.' So, Tony, lastthing, is there anything that you want to share with us, anything that you want to promote? I'm going to take, of course,your Instagram and your YouTube and all of your links and stuff, and I'm going to embed them in the podcast and thechapters and show notes and things like that. But is there anything specific that you want to leave us with today?

01:12:40

Thanks. Yeah. No, I mean, follow me on social media. That's probably the best way to, to check out everything I'mdoing. It's at the Borardo and yeah, I have, you know, my apparel brand, human dad, which is, is community first,apparel second. So we're just building a community of like-minded dads that kind of share. You know. Similar storiesand some similar uh frustrations about being a father, because there was a lot, but also we we like to embrace the chaosand enjoy fatherhood while having some uh some cool apparel while we're at it— so that's at humandad. com. Ifanybody knows dad that wants to check that out. But yeah, I'm just looking forward to really ramping up 2026 anddiving deep into educating more dads on how they can make a living at home. While also being great fathers. So thankyou for having me on. This has been a blast. Thank you, Tony. I will see you next time and appreciate all the listenersfor listening to The Gentle Year. Thanks, Tony. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Talk soon.



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Tony Berardo

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