A Life Too Wild Not to Write Down | Jessica Danel

In this powerful episode of The Gentle Year, Knikki Hernandez sits down with author and entrepreneur Jessica Danel for an unfiltered conversation about trauma, resilience, generational patterns, and what it really means to keep moving forward. Jessica shares the raw, unbelievable stories behind her memoir Bucket List from a Redneck Girl—from being wrongfully placed in drug rehab as a teen, to surviving childhood abuse, family dysfunction, a school shooting at Lyndhurst High School, and building a million-dollar preschool business from scratch.

Together, they explore survival mode vs. ambition, body image struggles, special needs parenting, sibling estrangement, productivity as a trauma response, and the complex layers of faith, forgiveness, and perseverance. This episode dives deep into Gen X upbringing, generational cycles of abuse, motherhood guilt, and the emotional cost of always being the “strong one.”

If you’re interested in trauma recovery, resilience after adversity, entrepreneurship, family dynamics, childhood abuse, school shooting survival stories, or how writing can become a path to healing, this episode is a must-listen.

Jessica’s story proves that no matter what you’ve endured, you can build, create, and move forward—one step at a time.

🎙 Topics include: childhood trauma, generational abuse cycles, resilience, special needs parenting, body image, entrepreneurship, school shooting impact, faith, memoir writing, and emotional healing.

Listen now and join the conversation inside The Gentle Year community.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

That's all good.

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hey everyone. Welcome back to The Gentle Year. I'm your host, Nikki Hernandez, and we are here with a very dynamic lady. Her name is Jessica Dunnell. And I cannot wait for you guys to get to know her because her story is fascinating. So, Jessica, can you please give us a little bit of an introduction about who you are? Just give us a that little taste, please, because you are very rich.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

You're so funny. Fascinating. I love that word. No, um, okay, so yeah, I'm uh I'm a wife and a mom and um of three. I have a stepdaughter who's 32, a son, 25, and his daughter just turned 16. Been married 28 years. So that's like my first and foremost job in this world. And I love it. Um, I currently am working two broadcast media jobs. I do two eight-hour jobs at the same time. So it's a lot of work. Um, and I wrote this book, Bucket List from a Redneck Girl. It's about my um upbringing. It's about it's like a coming of age story. And um, if you're Gen X, you probably relate to a lot of things in the book. And I'm what my goal is, I'm hoping that somebody finds a piece of themselves in my words and can laugh along uh to some of my self-deprecating. Like I do, I do I do comment about myself a lot in the book, and it's I go from like an ugly duckling where I feel like I'm really not pretty to where I feel like I'm pretty, you know. And I think we all go through that in life, especially when we're younger. Um, but uh so yeah, I wrote the book. Um, and then I currently I am writing a novel. Well, I'm on my third novel. I'm doing a I'm doing a series right now. It's a three-part series, and well, it's a three-part book, and it's it's three three books. It's one series and it's one storyline, basically. And it's a romance thriller kind of thing. It's a hybrid. I don't really know what you call it, um, but it's like 49 shades of gray. It's like you're read you're be reading it, you're probably looking around like, did anybody watch me read that just now? Or should I should I should I shut the door? I don't know. Like, um, but it's um pretty saucy, and um that's what I was going for. But then it just morphed into like this action stuff was happening, and I was like, Well, is this really a romance novel now? I don't know. Um, but so that's kind of like I mean, I just had the writer bug for some reason, and now I just can't stop. And my I'm thinking of my next series. It's like, okay, what's next? You know, so I I kind of have the writer's bug, but I do work two eight-hour jobs during the day, and um then I do a podcast, and it's called Just Saying with Jessica Donnell. But uh, I guess if you wanted to know where it all began, my life is just I mean, I've had so many crazy things happen to me. And what I'm gonna tell you is you probably won't believe me. Like half of the things I tell you, you're probably gonna say, No, that can't be true. But dang it, it is so true. Um, I mean, I've had a crazy, crazy life. And you know what I tell people to? Okay, so I always tell people that my I wear my personality on my sleeve, like how I'm talking to you is how I talk to my best friend or my husband or even my kids, whatever. Um, but I always carry my stories in my back pocket. And I just my friends will always tell me, Oh, you gotta write that down in a book. It's so crazy. Like, I can't believe that happened to you. So finally I just decided to do it. And I just encourage people out there, anybody listening, that if you you'll hear some of my stories and you might relate, or you might say, Man, I can top that. And if that's the case, I just encourage people to write it down, put it in, put it into words, and you can self-publish now. You don't have to get um, you know, approval from um from anybody, you know, you could just get it out there all on your own, and there's a way to do it. I actually got mine was published through uh Christian Faith Publishing. There is an underlying element of um uh faith in my book. Um, I'll I was raised Catholic, and those of you who are Catholic know that uh not real religious when you're Catholic. I mean, you are. I mean, if you go to Mass, I mean, you know every little word that's gonna be said from here, you know, from the beginning to the end to the jingle of the bells, you know what's cap happening, and you know when you take the I don't I I'm just saying, yeah, you know all of that, but you don't know a lot of scripture. You don't, you're not really versed in, you can't really read the Bible and tell somebody, oh, this is part of that. That's not what I mean. That's not the kind of faith that I follow only because that's not how I was raised. But there are some components of faith in my book that are undeniably miracles, and I swear, oh my lord, I I truly believe that I've been guided to do certain things or certain things have happened to me in my life for a reason. And um, I guess let's just get in want to get into the story. I'll just tell you I'll just tell you a little bit of each chapter a little bit. Because my book kind of goes in like a chronic chronological order in a way. So, my very first chapter though, I jumped to when I was 16, and my parents put me in a drug rehab, dropped me off because they thought I was on drugs, and I've never done not never once have ever done drugs, even to this day. I mean, okay, hold on.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Let's slow down here for a second because there is so much to digest. I feel like I've just taken all of Thanksgiving dinner and just put it all in my mouth at once. I just need a second. So let's okay, all right. No, you're perfectly fine. So what what happened now? Let's let's just start from there. Okay, so I'm okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

As you can see, I'm a totally hyper person. I've always been like this. Um, I'm I'm surprised I was able to keep my husband for 28 years because I'm all over the place half the time. I'm like, you know, um, but um, so I guess my parents just didn't understand like how to maneuver or navigate a child like me. And so when I because I like I said, I'm I'm talkative, I'm hyper, I'm go-getter, blah, blah, blah. In high school, let me just preface this. I was on the cross-country team, I was on the basketball team, and I was on the track team all four years. Wow. Well, actually, my parents took me out when they put me in the drug rehab, they punished me by taking away my senior year of basketball. So I did not get my fourth year of basketball. Okay. But so, but I was so I was into sports, right? I was a school photographer, I was on the yearbook, I I um wrote for the school newspaper, I was in journalism, I was a band photographer for the school, and I was very popular, you know. I was a go-getter, you know what I'm saying? And so that all of that combined, my parents thought I was a drug user. So oh no.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Oh, that's where it clicks. Okay, because I was like, wait, what? You're like Miss Perfect on here doing everything.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Well, no, no, it wasn't that. It wasn't that I was perfect, it was that when I slowed down, when I um, you know, when you get senioritis when you're a senior, I still was doing all of those things. But here's the kicker. Okay, so my mom was in a skiing accident when she when I was, I don't know, 10 years old or something. And she was in and out of hospitals, in and out of hospital bed. She even had it our we even replaced our couch for a while with a hospital bed in the living room. And she was constantly in and out of the hospital, especially through my high school year years. And um, I had to cook and clean. I was the mother of the house. I had to do all the chores. And um, because I had a little sister and my older sister left the house already. And my brother, who could do no wrong and was too busy with his life, couldn't help. And only his chores were only to take out the trash and really feed the dog. So I had everything else. And when my mom got out of the hospital and was starting to take back some of the roles, um, I didn't want to have to clean up after everybody after dinner. And so I thought in my mind, if I just stayed in my room and didn't eat with the family, then I wouldn't have to do the dishes. And so, no, that really wasn't the case. I still had to do the dishes, but um, but I that was my thing. I would I just stopped eating with the family. I didn't want to hang out with them. I wasn't getting along with any of them. Um, we fought all the time, and I just, you know, so they thought I was irritable, irresponsible. And so that's why they they read a pamphlet actually, and in the pamphlet it said, if your child is irritable and irresponsible, she's probably on drugs. And so that's why they dropped me on the drug.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

A Gen X experience where people just were plundered by the media on on drug suspected drug use for their kids or something.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Well, um, here's the thing we didn't have social media, we didn't have internet, we didn't really have peer groups where your mom could call a hotline and say, What do I, you know? Um, and so they didn't really have anybody. My dad picked up a brochure somewhere on his travels, and he thought that must be my kid. I don't know, it was so bizarre. Like my parents didn't really research it. And so what happened was they dropped me in this place, and the the first few pages of my book is you know, they're giving me my room, and I'm um I'm basically cussing out my mother and telling her to F off and saying all the bad words that I never had said to my mother ever. Because had I had I ever cussed to my mom, I would have really gotten the backhand by my dad. Um, and I talk about a lot of that um I I call it abuse in a way because they treated me different than they treated my siblings. And in fact, um Were you the oldest? No, I had an older sister, an older brother, and then there was me and I had a younger sister, but I was the the middle girl. And so then my brother, do no wrong, he was the golden child, he was their favorite, still is in some ways. I don't know. Now he's kind of a douche and my mom kind of sees it. So but um, and I don't have a relationship with my brother and sisters. I do with my oldest because I kind of care for her in some ways, I help her out a lot, so she relies on me, and so there's the relationship, but I don't really have a relationship with my siblings. They treated me like crap my whole life. Um my mom knows it too, and she she even admits it. She's like, Yeah, she goes, Yeah, I don't understand why we do that.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Was your mother abused?

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Um, yeah, I come to find out. Um, I didn't know this until really while I was writing the book. My mom confided in me that her parents, her, my grandma and grandpa did not treat her kindly at all, didn't buy her clothes. I mean, they were well off family, but didn't buy her anything. She had like one or two outfits. My her brother got like everything. Um, my my my grandmother, who treated me golden, like my grandma, her mother, my mom's mom was the only one besides my my grandpa, her husband, treated me good. And in my book, I call them the good grandma and good grandpa because they're the ones that actually showed that they cared and loved for me. Even my other grandmother, my dad's mom. Um, if I ever went to his her house to have to be watched, she's like, No, don't send that one. I don't want her like to my face. And so my other grandparents would hear this and they were like, Oh my god, we're come here, girl. You're you're with us, you know. And they embraced me as like their favorite child, you know. And so I talk about them in the book, the good grandma and the bad grandma. But my dad used to discipline me way different than everybody else in my family. So there's a chapter in my book called The Belt, the hand, or the hanger. And that's when my dad would ask me how I wanted it. Wow, the belt, so the hand, my dad was a super big dude, six, three, 250 pounds or more, you know, big guy. So when he spanked me by the hand, he would continue to go until he got the right spank color, like the the butt color had to be the right color of red for him to stop. It didn't, he didn't give me spank count. It was like just he kept going. Um yeah, and then hanger hangers left welts and bruises, and I hated the hanger, like I just hated it. Um, but the belt, sometimes my dad would hit me and it would wrap around me, and it and it really didn't hurt. But then I'd cry uh more. Oh, daddy, that hurt. And then, you know, and then I'd get less of those. And then I'd have to pretend cry, like as if I was like injured, and then I'd have to tell him he was all uh life is nothing but lessons learned. And did you learn your lesson? And what was that? And I had to tell him, you know, as I'm pulling up my pants and underwear.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Um I don't even know what to say. There's a part of me when you said that you had to pretend that you quote unquote learned your lesson. I'm like, there has to be so many other ways that women are just pretending in life.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

It's so it's so pervy in a way. I even got spanked by my vice principal in seventh grade with a wooden paddle, and he pulled my pants down.

unknown 12:50

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Isn't that nuts? Yeah, this makes me sick. I talk about it in the book too. I was like, uh, that per is like I call it pervy. It's like so gross.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

At the time, did you realize that this was not normal?

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Uh-oh. I just didn't think that anybody in my family loved me. And, you know, I also didn't feel pretty because I had a lazy eye, and you can't see it because of the glare of my glasses, and also I'm wearing glasses. Thank God. God gave me glasses for a reason. But um, I have a lazy eye, and so when I was little, the kids would call me Popeye and bully me and tease me and everything. And I had eye surgery, which I had to wear a metal patch over my eye, and it was evident that I was different, and so I never felt pretty, I didn't feel loved, and I just felt, you know. But um I had a lot of friends in my neighborhood. I we call it Park Circle was where I lived. And we all just were very close, and I felt like I had a family with within all the kids around the neighborhood. I would go to um my Laura and Rochelle was the twins, and I would go play with them. We played bar, I played Barbie till I was like 11. Um, and cabbage patch loved cabbage patch, loved it. And so, but I would play with all the kids around the neighborhood. If one wasn't there, I'd go to the next house, go to the next house. And I there was like five or six kids that I would, you know, houses that I could go to, and I was always busy playing all the time, just playing outside. And if I wasn't playing with them, I was playing with my brother and baseball with his friends. And so there's all he had a lot of friends too. And our neighborhood was just very close. And so obviously, when we went to school, we were very close, and so the town is just like that, though. It's a very small northern um town in California, and it's a farm town, you know, it's far on the outskirts around us was all farm. Um, when you when you when we were younger, we did what's called cruising. I don't know if you've ever heard of that, but um it's funny. You get in your cars and you cruise around the main strip of town, and you just hooting and hollering at everybody with your music blaring. And then there were car clubs, there would be like VW bugs, and they're all souped up on the side, all in a line, and then you had mini trucks, and then you had monster trucks. It was a thing. That was what Gen Xers did. And if you weren't there, you were at the roller rink, um, roller skating. Sounds so funny, but it's that's the things that we did when we were younger. That's what we went to have.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

When you started to write your book, uh, you said that your mom admitted to you that she had been abused or had endured her own type of abuse, which sounds eerily familiar to what you went through. It was almost like a repeated cycle, but through you. It do you do you see any ulterior motives in why she told you that? Because the timing of it to me feels a little sus.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah, well, she she just um when she read my book, and I was, you know, she read my book. She basically said she feels as though this is how I saw things through my lens. And also she's a little older, so she forgets certain things. But I I I have a great memory when on the things that have made me the person that I am, and the things that have made me stop and remember and take a note about in my life. Uh, that's everything that I wrote down in my book. Everything else I can't remember. I wrote down everything that I can remember about my life, and these are the things, and they were all pretty traumatic. And I haven't even gotten to the juicy stuff yet. So yeah, my mom let's get to um so my mom basically she just was like, Um, yeah, I'm sorry that that it happened. She goes, Yeah, I don't think we ever disciplined anybody else that way. Like, I don't think anybody else got spanked like that. And I'm like, Yeah, I don't know. Because I think I was just a little different. I don't know. Maybe they thought I was I don't know. It's probably true. Maybe, maybe I could handle it. And they just that's what they were, they thought that I was so tough they had to break my soul. I don't know. I must break you, you know, like uh that's a rocky reference.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

If you yeah, maybe I I feel the I feel the same way. I mean, there's a lot of people that they may not have endured what you went through, but there's people that have, you know, they've they've been different in their family. Maybe they were exceptionally driven like you, or maybe it was something else. Maybe they were artistic, or maybe they were gay, or whatever the case was. Right. But they were they stood out in some way. And so some of the parents, there was one guy I was um listening to one time. He was part of a TV show I used to watch. It was called Million Dollar Listing New York, and uh the real estate agent, his name was Frederick, and I distinctly remember on the show, yeah, he was great. I remember on the show he said that they had a a saying, I think it was in Swedish, I believe. But anyway, basically the I'm and I'm totally butchering this, but the the saying was a nail that sticks up must be hammered down or must be smashed down, and that was like a a you know, a Swedish proverb or something like that. And he he remembered like feeling like that nail where his parents and stuff had to kind of smash him to be to be like everybody else, is essentially what he endured.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Right. I mean, I don't know. Were they embarrassed by me? I have no clue. I mean, I thought I was shining pretty good in high school. I won a lot of the war. I was like the best runner they had in high my high school. I won all the awards. I always got first. Um, I took really good pictures. Um, I actually became a photographer later. Um, but that's much later down the road. But it was it's a passion. I love photography. It's a thing of mine. Um, but um I I there I did some growing up, um, or not so much growing up. I I I ran away from home when I was in the third grade. Um, and my parents put me in a uh uh private school after that with my siblings.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

When is that when the abuse started? Was when you were in third grade? No.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Well, could have been. I think it was a little bit earlier than that. Um when I was four, probably. I just I just remember being really young and my dad in a bunk bed. I got a bunk bed. My dad would sit on the bunk bed. I was still in a bunk bed, so I was pretty young. I truly believe I was at least four or five. Um, but um, and I had surgeries when I was my I was five and seven. Um five, well, six five and six, almost seven. Um, I was even abused by my babysitter. My mom actually fired a babysitter for it, and I talk about it in the book. And then our babysitter turned around and robbed us. Um I know I talk about it in the book. She took pictures of herself using my dad's camera and they found it at the um at the what do you call it, the um pawn shop. And they they saw her pictures. She took pictures of her and her boyfriend using my dad's camera, and they left a stupid film in the thing because back then they no SD, no SD card. You had to put the film in there. And so, but they and then they pawned it and they found the camera and uh so but they didn't uh capture her. She ended up getting away, but she moved away to another state. But uh that's crazy. That's another crazy story that I put in my book.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Um okay, but uh yeah, let's let's just like pause there for a second. That that's that's this is a lot. So let can we just kind of break this down for a second? Um so when did you realize that something about your childhood when your adolescence was just not normal?

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Well, I like I said, I would tell my friends like all these different stories that would happen to me, and they just couldn't believe it. And I was like, damn, that's the truth. I'm not kidding. This is like God's honest truth. And um, I my my my all my friends and even the people that I've met throughout life, they're like, that's not normal. I'm like, it's not not everybody goes to a drug rehab, like okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

I just so they took away your senior year because they thought that you were doing too much, or I I think I'm I I feel like I heard it, but I may have missed it. So you they they put you in this drug place because they thought that you were doing too much, or you were just being too reserved.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

No, no, I was being too reserved, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Because the whole dinner, not eating with the family. Okay, got it.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Yep. And we were fighting and you know, we were fighting over stupid things, and oh it was a big yelling match. And and you know, I'm I'm you know, I probably was hormonal coming into my own womanhood. I was 16 years old. They dropped me off, and when the drug test came back, it took four days for the results during that time. I don't know why it took so long, but it only it all I was only in there four days, but I had to, you know, I had to do my name is Jessica, you know, I had to do my drug of choice. Um, and I'm like, I don't have a drug. And like they at first they didn't believe me, but then after a while, the people there, they're like, dude, she is she is way far from a drug user. Because I'm like, yeah, I do this at school, and here's all my pictures of my cheerleading girlfriends, and da la, you know, and they're like, No, no, no. They're like, Where's your party pictures? And I'm like, I've never been to a party, you know. You know what I mean? Like, actually, I've been to I was I went to two house parties and I I did get drunk at one, and I came home and my dad knew I was drunk. So I did I did drink at one house party, two house parties, but one I didn't drink very much, and the other one I did drink and got drunk. It's my very first one. But somebody put Everclear if you know what that is. Yeah, that was the first drink I ever had, was Everclear. They put it in the punch, and of course, all the girls gravitate to the punch. And thank goodness I had a we were big back then on um don't drink and drive. And so my girl we had a designated driver and they drove me home and I got home before curfew and I walked in the door and I'm like, I I give my dad like a half hug and I'm like, hi dad. I was so drunk and he could smell it. And he's like, go to bed, we'll talk about it in the morning. And I was like, okay. So I wake up in the morning and I'm like staggering down the hall and and I'm I'm still wearing makeup from the night before and my clothes from the night before. And he comes over and he scoots, he pulls out two pieces of wonder bread. And uh um, you know how back then we had those uh cups that you would get from like McDonald's or something? He scooched me over a Coca-Cola little emblem cup, and he's like, You're gonna need this. And then that was basically it. He he let he let it slide that time, and um, you know, I don't know. Maybe maybe he thought I came home drunk one day, one time or something, and everything else we were fighting. I don't know. I don't know. But I wasn't lying to him. Did he take some pleasure in that? Like, I don't know. My dad, thank, thank God he's dead, because otherwise I probably would not have a relationship with him. Um, I say this in the very first page of my book that my dad was a wolf in sheep's clothing. Nobody would be safe, basically.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

He did not tell me a little bit more about that.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

Yeah, I mean, if we could get into it, my dad was um sadistically mean to my mother. And I watched it happen my whole life. Um, he like my mom broke her back. I talk about it in the book, but my mom broke her back and she was standing there and she's like, Oh man, something's wrong with me. I because she had lifted up my sister and she's like, Oh man, something's wrong. And um, he got off the plane and he's like, Don't you embarrass me in front of my coworkers because his co-workers were coming behind him. And he swung his carry bag onto her other shoulder and he's like, Carry that. And so she had a broken back. We didn't know until the next day, but she had a broken, he wouldn't take her to the doctor either, by the way. She had a broken back, she had to carry the little my two-year-old sister and um and walked to the car all the way inside from the gate to the car in the parking lot, with a broken back carrying his shit. And um, you know, he just wasn't very nice. He treated her like crap, made her work very, very hard. Um, and she was injured. She was a disabled person and he she did a lot for him. And he ended up when he died. I'll just say it because I've never told anybody this. But when my when look at you, I'm getting all the scoops. Um when my dad died, um, my mom walked in to his office and on the screen was some I don't know, somebody from Taiwan or something. Some lady, and she's like, Where's Bobby? My dad's name was Robert or whatever. And my mom's like, he died. She goes, Well, who's gonna pay my rent? And I guess he was paying this girl's rent and paying for her computer and sending her money, money that my mother was still working to support. Oh my god. And they found Western Union stuff, like he went western union union for funds. And um, so my dad was an SOB and my poor mother had no money. She had to sell the house, she bears, she just didn't have any and any of their nest egg was gone. He spent it. I don't know what he was thinking, you know. I don't know what he was thinking. And there's just some things about my dad that um I talk about it in the book. It's it's hard to talk about here on with you one-to-one. You have to read it in the book, but there is a story in my book called Um Pretend You're Asleep. And so where I I I was old too. I was 19-ish, sleeping on the couch at my parents' house. And I wake up and um my dad's standing in front of me. And he isn't sh he isn't garnishing a smile, I could tell you that. And because he thought I was asleep. And I woke up and I I pretended like I didn't see what he was swinging in front of me. And um, then he goes, Go to bed, you're asleep. I'm like, okay, okay, you know, and I I wanna and that's something that I didn't tell my mom, but I was staying with them because I was I was I found it hard, and I talk about this in the book, found it hard adulting a lot because I would I'd have a roommate and I'd be living and doing okay. And then my roommate would leave and I'd be like, I can't afford this place, you know. So there was a few times that I had to go back home, and my my mom and dad uh graciously allowed me to come back. And at this time, um I I went into my room and I called my well, I got the phone because we didn't have cell phones back then. So I got the phone from the kitchen and I called my best friend and I told her what happened. I literally told her the first person I told. Um, because and she believed me because I didn't think my brothers or sisters who I didn't get along with would believe me. And so um she goes, You're leaving there tomorrow. Give no or give give notice to your jobs two weeks, and I want to see her in two weeks. And I moved in with my best friend in 29 palms, and then I uh got a job at a nightclub as a waitress, and I met my husband, and we were together a month later, and we've been together 28 years, so it's meant to be oh my lancet, this is insane.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

Okay, so first, just a quick question for clarification how did your mom break her back?

SPEAKER_00 27:24

Okay, this is God's honest truth, okay. I swear, on my children's life. Me and my brother and my little sister were playing step on a crack, break your mama's back. And my mom bent down to pick up my little sister who had fallen down on the floor, and she did she tweaked it or did something. She didn't know what she did. She bent down and literally heard something crack and she broke her back. Oh my god. I swear on Bible, I swear this God's honest truth. No, I mean, and we were singing that stupid song, and it and so she didn't even know how she broke it. And so she went, and then the next day, back then your husband would call for you to your work and say, Um, Suzanne, which is my mom's name, Suzanne can't come into work today if she she heard her back. And they would say, Okay. And then after the next day, the co-worker didn't believe my mom. Okay, so she decided to come over.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

You know, a wellness check basically.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

Yeah, yeah, a wellness check. And she came in and she thought she was gonna catch my mom, like, you know, whatever, in the pool. Um, and so my mom was on the couch and she was not in good shape. And she finally the lady said, Who wasn't my mom's friend? She's like, You need to get to the hospital like right now. You need telling my my dad, take her to the hospital, take her to the hospital. So they ended up. Do you hear that? My dogs are fighting. No, my husband's out there. My husband's out there. I have French bulldogs, and for whatever reason, the dad and the son don't get along. And um, he's out there yelling at him. Um, so um, so yeah, so then my dad took her to the doctor, and the doctor said she has a broken back. Um, you can take her to the hospital, or you can see just let her like rest at home and try to you know, heal on its own or whatever the key. And my dad's like, yeah, she doesn't need any hospital care and brought her home. And then the next day, she just couldn't breathe barely, she couldn't move or anything. And um, and so yeah, they took her to the hospital and she was there for like I don't know, three weeks. That was her first stint in the hospital. Um, it was pretty gnarly, and she hurt her, she hurt her back harder than they thought, and so it was pretty bad. And it's it bothered her her whole life. I mean, she's had back problems, and then she got in a skiing accident, hurt her knee. So she had back and knee problems whole life, which is crazy, a poor thing. I I talk about my mom in not a good light throughout the whole book, but um, at the end of the book, I'll tell you a little bit about it. And the end of the book, um, hold on one second.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Yeah, it's all good, guys. We're just doing a real live podcast right now. She's talking, I think, to her family. So she's back now. Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

I'm sorry. I had to tell my husband to shut up the dogs, or I can't concentrate when they're growling like that. They're so annoying.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

I'm telling you, I keep hearing some of my mom's dogs in the background too. And I'm like, okay, let me mic, let me uh put the mic on mute.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

It's not that you can hear them, it's that I can hear them, and they're driving me nuts.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Absolutely. My mic, it catches like everything. So, but anyway, go ahead, please.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

So, okay, so then um, so yeah, for my mom had at the end of my story, I have a full circle moment. Like, I really learned a lot from writing this book, and I truly believe that anybody that writes their story down, you cannot not walk away. I mean, you cannot walk away without having some sort of like resolution about your life and like some afterthought or forethought, whatever the word is, about like the things that you've gone through. It's for sure therapeutic in a lot of ways.

SPEAKER_01 30:48

But yeah, a lot of my mom and I are best.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

Yeah, my mom and I are good friends. I even I'm the only sibling that actually sends her money, and we talk like 12 times a week, if not more. So if that tells you anything. Um, but my story does not even begin to tell I haven't even begun to tell you half of the crap that I've been through. Okay. So I went in and out of private school. Um, I talk about that journey. Um, and then I I was plucked out of private school, put back into public school, and um was like the new girl, even though I actually knew a lot of people because from my neighborhood, I knew everybody, but not everybody went to private school. So some of the people didn't know me. And so they didn't know why I was so popular right off the bat. And I had some mean girls. Um, I talk about my, you know, my first kiss kind of. Um, and I talk about my very first dance. Um, and I was offered pot for the first time, seventh grade. And the guy goes, Here, you want some? And I'm like, Oh no, I'm full. I've had a lot earlier. I didn't know what to say. I had never been around drugs. I was from private school, you know what I mean? I'm full. That's funny. I said, No, I'm full. And then I'm like, I'm gonna go inside. And so I went inside because I'm like, I don't, I don't like smoke. I never have, and I'm just like, ugh. And so, um, but so those are some things that happened. And then I talk about high school, and I would not change a thing. Like I said, I was a joiner and I was involved in everything, and I had a lot of good friends. Then there was this thing that happened to me, and I I call it the chapter I call it is I just had to do it. Okay, so growing up when I was younger, we had like these after school specials, you know, shows and everything. You know, you'd come home from school and you'd be able to watch like, I don't know, a drama or something. And um what happened to me was kind of like that, like that movie three o'clock high, where the kid goes, I'm gonna kick your butt at the end of school. And and then uh at the end of the school, they had like this huge fight and it was a big thing that happened to me. So I'll tell you, I'll give you the preface of the story. So we always share things in high school, like jackets and outfits and prom dresses. I mean, you could see my prom dress in like three other girls' pictures. It's crazy. Um, because we were all broke, you know, we're from a small town, so um, that's just what you did. So I was cold and this acquaintance girl, we weren't best friends, but we were friends, you know, everybody just knows everybody. And she's like, Hey Jess, you want a jacket? You're shivering. I'm like, Oh God, thank you so much. And so I put my hands in the pockets to warm it. And when she walked away, I felt um something in the pocket. And I opened it up and it was like a couple pages folded into what looked like an envelope, little, you know, like girls do, they fold it to where it looks real pretty in a little envelope thing. And so I opened it up and I read it. I was a brat, okay, hyperactive brat. And I read it and it said something about pregnancy, and I don't know if I'm gonna keep it or not. And of course, being the brat that I am, I shared it with all my friends. And um, because it wasn't her, it was a friend that she wrote, her friend wrote it to her. And um, I couldn't fold the paper back the way it was, but I did the best I could. I put it back in the pocket. So when I gave the jacket back to her, she's like, Did you read this? And I looked at her and I'm like, Well, and she got pissed. And I said, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. You know, like I was apologetic. And then later that day, she comes with a bunch of girls to me, and I was with about three or four different girls, and she comes with like six or seven girls, and she's like, I'm gonna kick your hands and I'm gonna we're gonna fight. And I'm like, I'm not fighting you. I go, we're gonna graduate in two weeks. I am gonna graduate. She's a um junior. I go, I'm gonna graduate in two weeks. I go, I'm not fighting you because if I fight you, I won't be able to walk with my friends, you know, graduation. It's a rule. They just basically came out and said, no fighting. And so um, somebody in the friend group says, Jessica can go home, touch ground, and then she'll be at home and she won't be at school, and then she can fight her. And everyone's like, Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I don't want to fight her. Like I kept apologizing. I go, I'm so sorry. I go, you have every right to be mad at me. I am so sorry. And then girls are like, Man, she's trying to apologize. You got to take her apology. And she's like, No, I'm gonna kick your butt. And so there it was on like Donkey Kong. Um, I don't know how we didn't have cell phones, but I don't know how it got out. But there was like 20 car caravan, everyone, like three or four or five kids smushed into every car and um following me home. And they all line on my street, which is Wildwood Way. Appropriate name for my personality. And um, I go inside, I say hi to my mom, and I'm like, I'm gonna go out front, mom. And she's like, okay, like she didn't know. And I go out, I go out front, and all the all the kids are lined down the whole street and all the cars are parked and they're all out. And I can barely see with all the kids there that there was a girl at the end that wanted to fight me. And I looked at my best friend and I'm like, Janelle, I go, I go, I don't want to fight because I'm not a fighter, like I'm a I'm a shit talker, like sometimes, but I wouldn't, I'm not a fighter. I don't like to violence, I don't like violence at all. And so Janelle goes, and she smacks me across the face and she goes, Are you are you ready now? And I'm like, Oh gosh, go, I'm ready now, I'm ready now. And of course, we did the whole you hit me first bull, you know, hit you hit me, no, you hit me. And I don't know how it started, but she hit me or I hit her, and then it we were fighting. And I then next thing I know, I was on the concrete with her and I was beating the crap out of her. And then um, I take a swing and I scrape my hand along the side of the asphalt, and I still have those scars today, and it reminds me that fighting is not the answer, children. Um, and so yeah, I scrape my hand. I have like this scar on my hand from scraping it on the asphalt, it was all bloody. This isn't the best part. The best part is my neighbor comes out and she's like, girls, girls, you stop it. You knock it off, you knock it off. And then we all parted ways, and um, someone's like, Let's take it to the park. Like, fighting is hard work. It is like tiring. I was I was exhausted and I was ready for it to be over, but no, I guess it wasn't. And so we all filed into different cars and we drove to this park um about I don't know, five blocks away. Apparently, the lady went into my house and said, Now, granted, my high school is a melting pot. We are all mixed. Like, and so the lady went in and told my mom that Jessica was abducted by Mexicans and she was thrown into a hoopty because my girlfriends were Hispanic, you know what I mean? I'm like, and so um, anyways, so then my mom called the police and we were at the park and finished up. And when I came home, there was a police car in my driveway, and I had to explain like what happened. And it's uh it gets even better of a story than that. It's really funny, and it's my favorite chapter in the book, believe it or not, because it's actually funny, and you'll laugh through the whole thing, even to the end, and how it and how it was resolved in the end. It was crazy. Um she ended up in a cast, which doesn't sound great, I guess, now that I'm an adult, but then it was like I think I did my thing.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

Um like a badge of honor almost. Actually, no, not for you. Actually, no, I take that back. It's not a badge of honor, um, because she was wearing it. It was a badge of embarrassment and humiliation, really.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

I just I didn't get in trouble, she did. And then um and the whole thing about stepping ground before you fight is a true thing. Um, I didn't get in trouble at all, and and it didn't she got suspended for the rest of the school year.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Um, but but um I'm not a I don't like to fight, but I I had that is my one time in life where I had to was pushed into a situation that I couldn't get out of, even though I tried to apologize. And um yeah, my principal's like, there's other ways to go about this, Jessica. Like, oh sure.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

Every all all the adults always want to say that when something goes down.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

I I talk about losing my V card too.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

I mean, you know, stamping the I was the last one of my friends to actually have sex, and so um before you go before you go into that, because again, it's it's a lot, and so um everything of what you're saying is really intense. There's a lot of truth, a lot of energy, a lot of intensity in all of these experiences. And I know we've just not even scratched the surface of your life. Um, and so I'm wondering if when you in the beginning, you called yourself a go-getter many times. And so I'm wondering if your drive in life was actually was it passion or was it just like pure being in pure survivor mode?

SPEAKER_00 39:29

I don't know, it could be both. I mean, maybe I was off putting. Maybe somebody like me scratches people the wrong way. And that I have a I say this in the book a lot that I actually got kicked in the face a couple of times. I've been punched um like out of the blue. And I just say maybe I have a punchable face. I don't know. I I guess my personality can rub people the wrong way. You either really like me or you like can't freaking stand me. Like, pretty sure that's how it rolls.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

Honestly, I think it's karmic. I I really do, but we can get into that another day.

SPEAKER_00 39:59

I don't know enough about it. I I talk about um in my book. Um, okay, so before I want to tell a very major thing happened to my high school, but before I tell you, one of the things that happened to me, then I this is like what I talk about. It's called my God story. Um, my mom, I graduated high school and uh my parents gave me a repossessed car, which is nice. They gave me a car. Um, my dad repossessed it and he kept it for me, and then he gave it to me my graduation. When I just have to say, my brothers and sisters did get a brand new car when they graduated, or was they actually let them have a car in high school? Me, they would not allow me to drive in high school. I had to wait until after I graduated, and even then they gave me like an$800 little repo car. But that's just because I I I feel jilted. I'm like, now you know what I mean. But um, uh, so I my parents were off camping and my brother was throwing house parties. He's a year and a half older than me, and he wasn't even 21 yet. So they were all drinking. I would, I would, he was like, stay in your room, you can't come out. And all of his friends know me. In fact, I dated one of his friends, but he doesn't know that. Um, and um, which he was my my neighborhood crush. He lived around the corner from me, and we he went to my prom. I mean, there's a lot of things that you know, we had known each other for our life, basically. I've known it since I was a baby, anyways. Um, but so my brother was throwing parties and I wasn't welcome. And my girlfriend's like, well, come with me to my boyfriend's farm. He's a cowboy. Come with them to his ranch. And I was like, okay, come to find out it's in Utah. So I went from California to Utah. Um, and that journey was crazy, and I talk about it in my book. Then on the way home, my parents called me a runaway, even though I was supposed to, I was gonna move out in like three months. They called the police on me as a runaway, even though I was basically graduated high school and was about to move out. And so um, but I got in the car and we ended up this is so funny. I can get lost even in my own house. We got in the car and my friend said, get on the 80. And I'm like, okay. So I did, going the wrong way. And we ended up in Idaho and um, because I'm blonde too. I guess there's part of it. And so uh with no gas and we made it home by the grace of God, and I swear it's a miracle where we landed. Um, you're not gonna believe it. It's absolutely the God's honest truth. I like we stopped at a gas station and it was on the corner. It was desert, like there was nothing for miles, and we were, I was like, barely gonna make it. Or I think we're gonna have to stop in the middle of nowhere. And all of a sudden, this gas station shows up, and we we're like, oh God, thank God. So we get off on the gas to the gas station, and um, I get out of the car and I'm I go inside and I'm about in tears. I'm 17. And the lady goes, Well, honey, what's the matter? And I go, We're trying to get to you know, California, Marysville, where I live. And um I go, We're lost. She goes, Where are you coming from? And I said, Utah. And she goes, Oh, honey, you went the wrong way. You're in Ida, you're in Idaho, Eden, Idaho. And I go, Eden, I go, I think my, I mean, and it's funny because I had talked about it in my book earlier that we actually went to Eden to a family reunion like a year earlier. And I go, I think my grandma lives in Eden. She goes, Well, honey, what's your grandma's name? And I said, Vineyard. And she goes, Oh my gosh. She comes around the counter, she gives me a side hug, and she opens up the door and she's like, You see that road? And she opens up the door and she looks down, she goes, You see that road right there? What's your grandma's road? That's Vineyard Road. My grandma and grandpa live on um historical, their farm is a historical landmark now. It's been there since 1905, I think. And it's made out of lava rocks, their house. It's very beautiful, but it's made out of lava rocks. It's like very unique, and they have their own road. And she goes, That's your grandma's road. I landed. Right where I needed to be. I swear I didn't know where I was. And I landed.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

That's crazy. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

And I, of course, I went down there and got money from grandma. We made it home.$40 got us from Utah to California. Oh wow. Can you imagine? Isn't that funny? Gas was$1.09 at the time. So that tells you anything. Back in 90, 1991.

SPEAKER_01 44:24

Wow. So but wait.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

I gotta get to the I gotta get to the biggest story. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:29

Okay, let's let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 44:31

I was um, well, gosh, before that story, I was hit by a drunk driver. My car caught in fire and I barely made it out. Um, some good Samaritan came and scooped me up out of the car and carried me to the curb. And just as we made it to the curb, a car exploded. Boom! Like in the movies, and we all went back like this because it was like force of the blast was crazy. And then there was helicopters, woo, woo, woo. Anyways, um, I talk about that in my book. It was a crazy moment. Um, if you've I mean it was crazy. Five-car collision, um, smooshed my car to like a freaking pancake. So, but I got out of so I taught preschool a lot. That's what I did basically my whole life, preschool and waitressing. And so I got out of my preschool job, got into my new car, which was a VW bug, and turned on the radio and it said active shooter. No, they didn't even coin that phrase back then. Gunman. They didn't use the word active shooter. That came about many years later. They said gunman at the Lyndhurst High School in Olifirst, and that's my high school. And um, I I was 20 minutes away. My sister was there. Um, and um I drove as fast as I could and I got out into the front of the school, and all my friends were there and they were all upset. And I started crying, like, where's where's my sister? Where's my sister? And somebody comes up and they hug me really tight and they go, Jessica, your sister went to the hospital. And I said, Oh my god, like I didn't know what to do. So I went home first because I didn't know exactly where she was. Coming to find out my mom took her. She was able to get out, but my mom took her to the to the um to the doctor, not the hospital. And she was in shock. And um, but I I walked into the house and she was okay. And my mom and my sister and me, we all decided to disperse and see how we could help the community. So I went back to the school, but on my way, I picked up blankets and um and um like 10 different blankets from all the neighbors. And I go, I can't bring these back. And I went to KFC and I got like 10 bucks of chicken and I took food and warmth because it was May and in Northern California in the evening, May was chilly, very cold. And so I brought blankets and chicken to all the people out in front. And as soon as I got there, and I'm giving them all out, they were all crying. And they said, Um, at least four we know are dead. And um, and he was still holding people hostage. This is why there was so many people out in the front, and why I went back to the schools because he he had held them hostage since two in the afternoon, and um there's like eighty kids hostages. He shot nine others, he killed four, shot nine more, and held eighty hostages. And we knew who he was. He went to school with us and um, so we knew we knew him. He came in, and the reason why he came to shoot down uh well the school was because uh civics teacher didn't pass him and he didn't get to graduate with his friends. And so he blamed when his life started to down, it's he he graduated two years earlier and when um three years earlier, I think. And when the downturn when his life started to go down, he blamed it the origin, which was his civics teacher. Um they did a movie about this. Um, it's called Siege at Johnson High, and you can get it on Amazon and or Amazon Prime, and um yeah, Ricky Schroeder was in it, Freddie Prince Jr. and Henry Winkler, you know the Fonzie Fonzie, he was in there um in the movie and they did a movie about him. Um he he went, he would make kids go downstairs and grab other kids that were hiding. And if they didn't come back, he said he was gonna shoot somebody, one of their friends, um, that he was holding hostage. And so the kids had to go downstairs and decide if they were gonna come back or if they were going to grab somebody and make them come back or run away themselves. And so can you imagine being like 14, 15 and having to make that decision? Oh my god, this makes me want to cry. When I think about it.

SPEAKER_01 48:36

No, I can't even imagine it now.

SPEAKER_00 48:38

So there was a boy, a young man. Um, this girl had a the rifle right in her face and um Beaman, he uh he said no, and he pushes the girl, and just as he pushes the girl, he takes the full blunt of the blast to the head and he laid on the carpet dying for 30 minutes. And um, so he's a hero. And we didn't know that till later, but my mom was actually sitting with his mother when she got the news. And um my sister she just remembers like he just Beaman gave me 50 cents for lunch. And so she put the 50 cents in his casket. Um but it was just one of those things that hit my community, and like I said, we were very close. We knew each other. Um very, very close. And um, so now we still cry about it every year and we talk about it and uh we say never we'll never forget. And the reason why we didn't get a lot of notoriety back in 1992 was because the Rodney King verdict came out on April 29th and then ensued the riots, and then the next day, riots, and then the next day was our school shooting. And so that's another crazy thing that I've been through. And it's like I wasn't I wasn't there at the time because yes, I graduated the year before, but he killed my friends, he killed my teacher, my sister was there, all my friends were there, and all my favorite teachers that I've grown to love. And like I said, I was very popular, so it was like uh it was like my family, you know, and it affected our community, yeah, pretty bad.

SPEAKER_01 50:17

I do have a question. So you've you've shared a lot about individual experiences that you've had, and I'm wondering on a personal level, if slowing down to you feels uncomfortable. And I love hearing your stories. Don't get me wrong. I love it. I think it's fascinating, and I know that I know that I'm definitely gonna read your book at some point, but I am wondering just on a personal level, if like you fear who you are without these stories or without your success or without your ambition, without all of those things that you almost I wonder if you almost feel like you're you're nobody without them and if slowing down makes you feel uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 51:04

Well, I know that these a lot of stories I have more things to tell you. And I've done some great, wonderful things, but they don't necessarily define me as I am currently. They're just things that have happened to me, and that is why I I feel like I'm one of those people that pull herself up by her big girl panties and um when things knock you down, you just have to keep like keep going. Just like they said on um like Dora, just keep swimming. You know what I mean? That's me. I just I don't know, I just don't let it um I those are things that happen to me. They're not the they don't they're not necessarily me per se. I just I'm I'm very optimistic person. I'm very like a beat person, and I've been through some crazy stuff that I can talk about now and I'm like, dang, that's some crazy stuff. But I also feel like it helps me relate to people like in my podcast. I talk to people because I've been there and I've been through some some stuff, and I can relate in a little way in some in some way to certain things. And I I I can say my story and say, I think that these are things that are you know that might help you get through it because this is how I'm doing. Look at me, I've had a lot of crap happen to me, and I'm still persevering. I'm still trying to push forward, and I don't I don't slow down because I don't know. I just feel like there's more to do. Like there's never enough time in a day. Like I work two jobs from home and I I'm on my third novel, and I wrote this book and I do a podcast, and I'm talking to you on a podcast. I did three podcasts earlier. So I'm just saying, like, I just don't slow down because I've got the energy. Why? When I'm old and gray and I don't have the energy, then I'll slow down.

SPEAKER_01 52:46

No, that's totally fine. I just the the thought kind of came to me earlier. I'm like, I'm wondering if trauma can sort of be disguised or masked as predictive.

SPEAKER_00 52:56

Oh, yeah, I've got I mean, I've got some trauma and I think about it sometimes, but writing the book has helped me work through some of the things that I thought maybe I was holding on to. And I think I let go of a lot of it, really. My mom and I are c really close and I let go of all my, you know, yeah, I don't have a great relationship with my siblings, and that sucks, but I can't change that. What happened?

SPEAKER_01 53:20

Why do you not have a good relationship with them?

SPEAKER_00 53:22

You know, my my brother is just very bougie, and we just don't. I think he thinks I'm low rent or something. I don't know. I mean, I built a million-dollar business for my living room from sheer grit. Um, I don't know. Maybe he just thinks that I'm, you know, now that he's running a multi-million dollar business and doing very well in San Diego, and my sister works for him. Um, you know, he gave her a job making, you know, six figures. Not me. You know, I have a master's degree, but not me, you know. I I just don't think he likes me, and I'm okay with that because I don't think he's all that great. So that's kind of sucks. And then my younger sister, she just she's one of those people that just I don't want to deal. I don't want to deal with anything. And because I live here in Bakersfield and she doesn't like my other sibling very well, she lumps me in with her and says, I don't want to have anything to do with any of you. But she has a relationship with my brother. And my older sister who lives here in town with me, um, she relies on me a lot. So um we have a relationship in that way, and um she's she's kinder than she used to be. She used to not like me very much. I think I don't know. I think it's when I was younger, I was very thin and cute and pretty. Like I got a little chunkier, but um when I was younger, I think I rubbed her the wrong way because she struggled with her weight a lot and she didn't like me very much. And I could do nothing to make her happy. She was very mean to me, even with my husband around. My husband was like, We're we were had our kids at Thanksgiving, and my sister was so mean to me. And my husband's like, We're leaving. Thank you for having us, but we're out of here. And we drove whatever, four hours home or whatever it was, because he wasn't gonna put up with them treating me like the way they do. The whole family does that, all treat me like crap. Yeah, it's really terrible. That's heartbreaking. Have you ever oh go ahead? No, go ahead. I mean, even my husband, I mean, it's not just me saying it, even my husband points it out. And he says that my book doesn't didn't go far enough. Like I didn't talk about that too much in my book because that's a part two siblings. Well, my siblings are still alive, and I'm not here to piss them off. And so they have a story to tell that's all their own. And um, like I didn't include them into the story that happened to me with my dad, you know, um, when I was on the couch, and I didn't talk about possible things that might have happened in their life because this is my journey and my story, and this is the path that I'm on. And uh I thought now that my dad has passed away, I can talk about it. I mean, without like we we kept it a secret from my mother, and it wasn't until I only wrote it after my mother found out because my older sister blabbed. Like, and I was trying to keep we're all trying to keep it a secret from my mom that we because we all got together and were talking about my dad, and we were all gonna keep it secret. The stories that we had, and um then my sister blurted, my older sister she spilt the beans, and so then I wrote this book and was basically told my mom exactly what happened so she knew that's how kind of that went.

SPEAKER_01 56:33

Did she ever find out about that situation with your dad, the one where he was standing over you?

SPEAKER_00 56:38

Yeah, I mean I wrote about it in the book, so she read it.

SPEAKER_01 56:40

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 56:41

She read it, she read it word for word. Um, so then I met my I went um after what happened with my dad, I went to Palm Springs and I I met my husband at a nightclub. Well, there's your cute puppies. Hi, babies. I want to say hi. Um, and then um so then I met my husband and I got a job at a nightclub. And I here I I started finding my beauty a little bit. Um, I didn't feel pretty growing up at all and was never felt. Nobody ever said I looked good or was beautiful or nobody ever commented it on my looks. But I was pretty cute when I started when I met my husband, I was probably at my best. Thank god. Thank god I was at my best because then he likes me. Um but after kids, I mean, this is what happens. Um but uh so I met my husband and then um I became a stepmother, and there was a lot that went with that. I we were in court a lot for my stepdaughter because the mother was crazy. Um, and she wanted to interject herself into our lives. Like she would tell my husband, oh, I know you still care about me, and and say it like in front of me and stuff so that I would hear it. Like she was just terrible. And then um, we were even in court and I went into labor, like in court for my stepdaughter, and she didn't believe me. And I was in labor, full labor. And I talk about it in the book. I didn't know I was in labor at first, like the night before in the roach motel we were at. I was in labor, but I didn't know. And it was my first kid, I didn't know. And um, it was my due date, by the way. We she she got us to go to court on my due date, and we said, Can we reschedule? That's our due date. And they were like, No, we said no. So we were I was in labor, and he says, Can we postpone? My wife's in labor, and I'm even here, it's four-hour drive. I came all the way here. She just started labor. Can we can I go? And they would they wouldn't allow it. So um my sister picked me up and drove me back to Palm Springs, and my husband had to stay in court and finish up. And he barely made it 20 minutes before my our son was born.

SPEAKER_01 58:44

That's crazy. It really is. Has um is has motherhood complicated your body image, like your beliefs about body image? I mean, just because like I think you're beautiful, you know, and and so it's sad to me when somebody else or has felt or does feel that they aren't beautiful or at least weren't beautiful at a certain time, because I have always felt the exact same way, me personally. And um, it's always something that I've battled with even now. And I don't even have kids, I've not even gone through any of that, and I'm just like, oh my God, how to it's a whole thing. And so body image issues, I know that they run deep with women, but particularly with you being a mom, and then all the stress, all the trauma that you've been through. How does all of that impact your relationship with yourself and your body image?

SPEAKER_00 59:39

Well, I mean, I'm I constantly do things for everybody else and not myself. I even we put a gym into my house in the garage. It's a beautiful gym. It's got like four different elliptical things and weights and mirrors and the whole thing. It looks just like a gym. And I could go right now and go work out. But I work two jobs from home. I start at six and I end at four. And then my daughter, and then I have to like, and I'm writing a book, and then I'm doing a podcast, and I'm doing all these extra things that probably I shouldn't be doing. And then my house is getting neglected. Like my I've never lived in a my house, has always been immaculate. And right now my house just looks like a tornado, not just with crap everywhere, but like dust bunnies. And I need to get the carpets clean now, and my dogs are herring up my house. And um, and I've never had a icky house before, and I feel icky, like I don't like my house, and um I just don't have time. I get up. My daughter has special. This is the thing, I haven't even got to the point. Like, like my daughter has special needs, so does my son, and even my stepdaughter, she had a DHD, and um, so I've I've had special needs children my whole life as a mom. And then you feel like you're failing them all the time, you know, like like my daughter right now, she has a tumor on her back, and I have to get her an appointment and I keep putting it off. I don't know why. I keep it's on my list of things to do today, and I didn't do it for like the 15th million time. So I have all this mommy guilt all the time that I'm doing too many things and not focusing enough on my kids that need me a lot. And then I get done with all of this, and then I have to go in and make dinner and make sure that everybody gets fed because everyone comes out and goes, What's for dinner? What are we eating? What are we doing? And if I say fin for yourself, they're like, Can we go out? And then if we go out or to go get something, I have to go get it myself and bring it back. So it's a lot. So because my husband, he works two jobs, okay? And he leaves at five in the morning, some days earlier, and then he doesn't get home, he just gets home at seven o'clock. Like today and Thursday, he gets home a little early. But but he works from like five to seven, he works two jobs a day at the hospital in another hospital, two different hospitals. So he works a lot. So it's not that my husband doesn't put in any effort, he does all the stuff that I don't enjoy, like the outside stuff and the trash and the cans and the recycling and the dogs, and you know, he does all the things I can't handle. But there's a I have a big, big, big house. And I have a 25-year-old son that doesn't get out of his room and um it doesn't help. And then the dynamics with dad, and it's not great. And so there's a lot going on right now, currently in my life, in that way, in that respect, where I don't feel like I can get my house chores done and the laundry is like a pile, and like you know what I'm saying. I know I need to. I'm almost too embarrassed to bring them in my house to help me.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:31

Don't be and also my dogs, don't be. There are so many people, believe me, that take so much pleasure in helping people get their house in order. Like it's nothing to be ashamed of at all.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:41

And my dogs are like vicious, they're they're um are hard to handle. They're French Bulldogs. There's a mommy, a daddy, and a son. Ricky Bobby is the dad, and he's old now. And um Opie Opie and Whitney are my the mommy and son, and they um the son and the dad don't get along and they're fighting a lot, and it's uh torture. And I'm I feel like are they gonna fight when I'm not gonna like your family?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:09

I know I'm telling you, I do believe dogs reflect their families and their owners. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:15

I mean, they they sleep with us. I mean, they are the love of our life, don't get me wrong, but they're just um they're a little chaotic in that respect, and they're all want our attention in a special way, they're all jealous of each other. They all want to be on my lap, or I have so many pictures on my Facebook and Instagram where they're just laying on me. I'm like, this is the best leg warmers I can ever want. Um, but back to story. Okay, so I started to come into my prettiness, I thought, but I had a wedding that I called the Jerry Springer wedding. Because my family could not get beside themselves to let me have a damn day. I I just didn't, my it was terrible. There was my sister crying for 45 minutes. The photographer left because she thought we were done, because I wasn't around for 45 minutes as I'm trying to consult my wedding. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:05

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:06

My wedding. Then my brother announces to everybody that he's gonna propose to his girlfriend. And I'm just like, can you not on my day? Can it not be? And then my sister's husband was trying to bang down the door and then called all night to say he was gonna kill himself. And so those are just some of the things. And then my husband's family didn't even show. I guess they don't like me. I don't know. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:34

Just don't even I don't even know what to say. I mean, this is this is like nervous system overload.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:41

You either love me or you hate me. I have a punchable face. I don't know. I've been very kind to them, and I don't think they like me very much. And I was told by my mother-in-law that she doesn't like my lifestyle, me, my husband, because we live too high on the hog, I guess. Or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:55

Yeah, hold on one second. The dogs are back.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:58

I can't hear them. They're so cute. So the dogs are back, everybody. That's okay. You got beautiful, beautiful puppies. I love they're so cute. I'm a big dog fan. I don't like I like cats a little. We had a cat for like 15 years, 16 years, maybe 19, no, 19 years, and then we had to put her to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:17

Oh sorry, my mom turned the light off.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:22

It's so funny. I'm in here. No, uh um, okay, so then there was that, right? Okay, so then we moved to Bakersfield, and uh, by the way, you know, I go so I got to Bakersfield and I wanted to start a family daycare, and I I filed for a family daycare, and then my stepdaughter's mother called CPS on us and said that my husband was trying, yeah, said that my husband was trying to beat up my son at Thanksgiving. So then it was crazy. So then my mom had to write a letter like my my mom, my mom would never allow anybody to hurt her grandbabies, you know, at her house at Thanksgiving. We were All at we were all at the house. They hate me, but they love my kids, you know what I mean? And so um my mom had to write a letter. Everybody at the that were there said that that did not happen because my stepdaughter, I don't think she's I don't know what she said, but she I guess she told the mother or the mother made this up that they my husband threw my son against the wall at Thanksgiving at my mother's house, which never happened. In fact, my husband was working part of the day. Um, he always works holidays, which is crazy. Even to this day, like Christmas, we're like, hurry up, let's do presents before daddy has to leave at like four in the morning. We're all trying to do presents. But um, so anyways, CPS came to our house, we had to deal with that, and then they they found it was not found to be true, and so it went away. But it just so happened to come about when I was trying to file for a daycare license, you know what I mean? Of course, the timing of it is impeccable. I told you my my my relationship with IO I called her bio mom in the book, which is kind of crazy, but so um, but I did get a daycare license, and I was I had a big room, a 200 square foot like uh flex room or something, and that's where we had the all the toy room and stuff. And we were I had uh people wanting to be my daycare, and I just didn't have enough room. So we built onto the house and I hired two staff members, and we it had it also its own entrance and its own bathroom, and we had a waiting list, and we were always full, always full. And so then I opened uh another daycare at a church at the same time. So I had the family daycare and the other one at a church. Um, it wasn't um a religious school, it was just at the church, and I rented a building from them that had a play yard and everything. And um and we were I mean, hand over fist full of kids all the time. I was rocking and rolling, making good money from both. And I had a staff of eight all together. So then I got an opportunity. My neighbor that I was taking care of his kid for a little while, he said, I'm building um a commercial property and there's a a corner niche, you know, and I don't know what to put there. Do you want to put a school there? And then that uh triangle backyard, you know, it's gonna be about 30,000 square feet. Would that be big enough? I'm like, yeah. And a 10,000 square foot building, would that be big enough? I'm like, yeah. And so uh that started the journey. I got I went online and decided, okay, I don't know anything. I had a child development degree, but I knew nothing about um business. And I figured out how to write a business plan. And um I wrote a business plan and got a loan for 700,000 from Small Business Association, the SBA. And uh we're off to the races. And so um I I pre-sold my school. Um I I took people to the dirt lot and I said, This is where the the uh exit room is gonna be, and this is where you'll swipe your card to get in because we have security here. This is where the preschool computer lab is going to be, this is where the school age room is, the drama room, all these things, right? And I pre-sold 130 families. So we started day one with 130 kids. They were paying me a year before we even opened the school. So I had all their money and they invested in the school before we even opened. Crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:14

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Can I just ask what does rest look like to you? What does it look like to take a break?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:22

Do you know? I I shut down. When I shut down, I just sit in the lazy boy and I watch Netflix. I watch a movie. Um, I even watch movies during the day when I'm doing work. I can um I watch something or the news or something that I listen to while I'm doing everything else and answering stuff. Except for when I'm writing my book, I have to turn it all off because I have to think.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:42

Yeah, exactly. You really got to go into focus mode. I know exactly what that's like. Well, I think that we really need to break this show into like part one, part two, part three, part four, and and not this particular show. I'm just gonna post this one as is. But the, you know, if you want to come back and you want to share some of your stories, because I know there was a lot of things that you wanted to get into, but you just didn't have the time to get into today. And I think that there's just so much here that we can explore.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:06

It's all in the book. You can get it at Amazon or really wherever books are sold, but it's also on video or video, like I wish. No, I'm it's also like Netflix, call me. This could be a movie. Um it's also on it's also on audiobook, so you don't have you can listen to it. I don't actually do the audio, but somebody does it and she gives good inflection, so I kind of liked it. It was okay. Had I wanted myself, yes, but they didn't allow it. My publisher. Um you would have been great.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:37

You would have been great at it.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:39

You can also get it on ebook too. So if you're not somebody who likes to read and you want to listen to it on the on when you're you know on your treadmill or watching your kids' soccer game or whatever, um, it's a great book. I think it's um funny, it's kind of sad in some points. I cried um some chapters, and then I laughed my bubbles on the others. So I think it's a book for well.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:00

I always ask every guest that comes on this show one question at the very end, and it's the same question every time, totally open to interpretation. You've gone through a lot. There's there's been there's no doubt in my mind that um this is the magnitude of your story is insane. It's beyond what I can fully understand or even comprehend in this moment. But um, so with that in in mind, what do you believe is the most important education that a child could ever receive? And for this question, it may just I don't I don't even know. You know what? I'm not even gonna preface it with anything. That that is the question.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:38

Um, you know, I have philosophy about education when it comes to uh the you know, the kids early early education for kids. I think play is very important. I think kids learn through play. I think um that I'm gonna it's funny because I started a curriculum book, believe it or not, and I was incorporating STEM in through it. So it's just like science, technology, um, um math and what did I forget? Oh, engineering. So there's just so many things that the kids can learn at an early age, and I think those are very important. And also I think moms and dads need to model good behavior for their kids. They need to give them kisses and say, I love you every day and mean it. And um, you know, don't be drinking and driving because your kids are gonna see that. Don't be doing, you know, try not to smoke in front of them. I don't know. The things you don't want your kids to do, don't be doing it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:34

Yeah, yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense. Well, Jessica, I thank you so much for coming on the gentle gear. And I definitely am going to encourage people to read your book. You can also join um the Facebook community where the listeners of this show typically hang out and comment on post about parenting and whatnot. It's called the Gentle Gear, and I'll share that link with you later. But um, other than hopefully in the Facebook group, where can people find you?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:57

Well, I have a website, it's just saying.net. And I'm also on TikTok. Um, you can see a lot of my social posts there. Um, and um that talks a little bit about our, you know, the sh the things that are on my program. Uh, but on my website, it'll talk about my book, all my social media. I'm on everything. Like there's you say it, I'm on it.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:18

There's no doubt about that in my mind.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:20

And I and my podcast is on YouTube. It's on, I know most every day.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:26

Nothing you say surprises me anymore. If you told me, like I've got a bunch of guitars in the background here. If you told me that for some reason you just played like guitar for some band or whatever, you were starting your own band. I'd be like, Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:37

My my guitar's right there.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:38

Oh, see, see, this is insane. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:41

I play the guitar. I mean that in the most respectful way. I play guitar in the church choir and I actually have a picture of me right here on my book and uh playing the guitar. And I I talk about uh that in my book as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:52

Well um and that's an understatement, a massive understatement at that.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:59

I just want my kids, I want my kids to be able to come back and say, dang, my mom did a lot of stuff. And um except for cleanhouse. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:11

Shut up. I mean, I'm just saying, it sounds like you know, you do all of these external things, but like the internal stuff, it's like no.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:20

I used to be it's been the last couple of years, I used to be so anal about I'm Virgo, so I'm used to like I'm um, you know what I mean? Everything was like spectacularly clean, and now I'm like, wah, wah, wah. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:32

Yeah, so I'm the same way. Listen, if I I could let my apartment go straight to hell, I'd do not even care. Because I'm like, you I want to do all the things. I want to do all the things that I want to do, not the things that I hate to do, which is cooking and cleaning and you know, having to make my bed and do the laundry, and I don't want to do anything.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:46

I have a 3100 square foot house, so it's getting it's big, and then the outside is ginormous, so there's like just a lot to do. No, and because I work from home, there's an expectation of doing things because you're at home and it's like I can't, I can't, I don't have time.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:58

Yeah, so yeah, I feel you. Well, thank you so much for being here, Jessica. And we'll definitely love to have you back. I'd love to talk to you more. But um, this was a lot and I appreciate it so much. Um, so thank you so much for being here, and I'll have uh this episode posted soon. And um, if there's anything that you want the listeners because I I the only thing I'm kind of I've got a little bit of heartburn right now is that I don't feel like I've I don't feel like the listeners or myself have like walked away with something like substantive. So if you had to take your stories and just kind of boil it down to one thing for today, what would you what would you like the listeners to know or see or feel?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:36

So no matter what you've gone through, you gotta, you gotta yeah, you that stuff happened to you and it's you know it's not great sometimes, but you gotta put it behind you. Okay, and you gotta move forward, you gotta put on your big girl panties or your big shorts, and you gotta move forward and keep making goals and work towards those. And how you do that, you just take the first step. And if you don't know how, you Google it. Okay, that's what I did. You Google first step. I didn't know how to do a podcast. I literally Googled it and I literally zoomed um I YouTube how to do it. And it it took me some time and I put it all together, and here I am. I'm on a I I'm on a podcast, but I'm doing one too. Didn't know how to write a book, but I learned how. And now I've got the book bug. I want to write all the time. All I have to say is don't let things, you know, keep you down and just keep moving forward. And um, that's what I do.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:27

Yeah, I think that's a beautiful message. Well, thank you so much. And um, I will see you hopefully on another episode. And I wish you the best of luck on your podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:34

I appreciate you having me.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:35

Thank you. Yes, you're very welcome. All right, I'm gonna close this out. My mom's dog is acting like an absolute freak. That's okay.